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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi - Ive been seeing my boyfriend for one year. He is the

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Hi - I've been seeing my boyfriend for one year. He is the best listener, is attentive and affectionate, is great with my family and my friends, gives me my space when I need it, and is there when I need HIM. We have similar values and enjoy each other's company. We are talking about marriage and a future together but don't want to rush things as both of us have been through bad 1st marriages. We're both in our early 40's and neither of us have children. The only issue I really have with him is that he is an artist who is self-employed. He's very talented but lacks business savvy and would be better off working FOR someone as he is not a leader (by his own admittance). I am having a hard time believing that we could build a future together because of this lack of stability. I, on the other hand, have a great career and have no desire to be "the heavy" in the relationship. He knows the importance of getting his career in order and has some good ideas on how to do that, but he moves slowly and can't multitask well, so I'm concerned that the stability I seek from him will never really materialize. Am I wishing for something that will never be, or should I give him more time to pull himself together career-wise? A side note - he has been in this same spot with his career for the past SEVEN years...scary. My family says that I should give him some time and that now, since knowing me, he's motivated. ?
I learned something in business. There are people who are 9 to 5 work for other people people and there are think outside the box self employed people. Those two personality styles seldom cross over well and would not be happy crossing over. He is probably going to be this self employed person indefinitely. If he tries to be something he's not, it won't work. So I would ask myself worst case scenario what if he is always this person. That is what your decisions should be based on. If things improve, great but you are prepared if they don't. The good news is that you may be a good influence on him. You can support the need for more motivation and work with him to put some of his ideas in place. Work together on how best to make the most of his talent and still be happy. You may end up being very happy with the compromise
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX sense. The truth is that he worked for Disney for the first ten years of his career, so he actually is used to working for other people. He knows how to work with others, answer to a boss, "punch a clock", meet deadlines, etc. It's because of his past with Disney that I had some peace of mind dating him in the first place because it indicated to me that he was capable of holding a very good, lucrative, distinguised job for a reputable company...all good things! He left that life to pursue fine art and being a freelancer, and that's what he's been doing the past seven years, with very little success. So, he knows he's at a crossroads and needs to make some changes, which is great. We do talk quite a bit about work, and he likes to bounce things off of me, which is fine. I do have a problem however with the notion of actually working with him. In my first marriage, my ex was also an artist and expected my life to completely revolve around him, from the friends I had, to my involvement with my family, to what I wore, to how I presented and sold his art in his was a nightmare!! And I am very independent, to boot! Needless to say, I do have a bad taste in my mouth for the floundering artist that requires help from me. But, I don't want my past bad experience to taint an otherwise great relationship with my current boyfriend.
I agree to not apply what happened in this old relationship to have a bearing on this. This may be difficult since he was also an artist but maintain your focus. He is at a crossroads for sure. Like all of us who are self employed, you constantly often times have to choose between financial freedom and being happy (not having to answer to anyone). I also want you to know that once you work for yourself it changes everything. It is extremely hard to go back to working for someone else. There is a sense of freedom you enjoy and it's never the same. Encourage him to do what makes him happy and the two of you can probably find a compromise. Sit down and talk about this openly. Whatever he decides in the end will be what you base your decision on. Stay focused on the two of you
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