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Ask psychlady Your Own Question
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been dating this girl for 5 months and we just had our

Customer Question

I have been dating this girl for 5 months and we just had our second major fight. We became friends first over the first couple of months then our relationship blossomed into something very special to the both of us. We are very much in love. We do not live together but we sleep together almost every night. Sunday morning I got up and asked her if she wanted breakfast and she said no and stayed in bed. I went downstairs, put on some music and fixed myself a green smoothy. She later came down and and asked where hers was. She got really upset because I did not make her one. It upset me and we started to argue about it and then she wanted me to take her home. This made me very mad for some reason and I took her home. I was mad and said some hurtful things. After I got back home I felt horrible and sent her an email appology. She did not respond until the next day and she told me our relationship did not work out and to be happy. She said it was better to be in a good friendship then a bad relationship. I was taken aback because our relationship was very strong and open and we only had two fights in which I got angry with her and hurt her feelings. this does not constitute a bad relationship in my opinion. I have spent most of my adult life in good relationships but this is my true love and she knows it. And she tells me the same frequently. Our relationship is beautiful. I do not understand. She is 42 and had only had one relationship prior when she was 18 and the guy she was in love with cheated on her for several months and when she found out, she was crushed and could not date again until she turned 40. She has virtually no experience in relationships and has only read or watched TV to learn aout them. I have never ever even looked or talked to another girl in her presence and do not want to and she completely trusts me in that regard. We are very open and have awesome sex and things are just beautiful. I worship her and she loves it. We are the very best of friends as well, which helps us work and play together. I just do not know what to do. I know she will fall into deep depression after her pain wears off and she realizes what she has lost. I do not want to loose her and I am desperate for insight into her situation that would cause her to throw everything we have away over an argument. It seems insane to me. What can I do, she wont even talk to me, she has dug her heals in.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It is very unusual that that would lead to breaking up. It is very important that she has no real experience in this department. I would let her know that this is not a serious argument and the good points about your relationship. This may get her to really think about the good things. You have to find a way to talk to her or this won't be solved. Try to be persistent but kind in thinking of ways to do this even if it is just to send flowers. Get her to place where you can get her to listen to this discussion. You may say something like "I want to have coffee. After that I promise to leave you alone if you just talk to me.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I was hoping you could give me some insights into her personality that would cause her to act this way. What might be going on in her head that makes her feel that she needs to shut me out completely, one of the very few people who really care for her and her only true friend.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
That's a shame. She may be just inexperienced as you say and conflict can seem out of proportion to her at times. This comes with experience and positive conflict resolution. The other concern is that relationship where he cheated on her. This can cause someone to be overly prepared for conflicts in relationships and even waiting for them to fail. Their unfamiliarity with positive relationships causes their perceptions to be waiting for the next shoe to drop. It is especially significant that she waited such a long time for a relationship That gives her no real experience on which to draw. This can lead her to be overly cautious and ready to throw in the towel very quickly. A relationship with her is going to be very gradual but not impossible.