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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Yesterday I discovered an email my partner of 9 months had

Customer Question

Yesterday I discovered an email my partner of 9 months had sent to another woman arranging to meet for sex - I also discovered that he had posted an ad on a swingers site looking for couples on the day I went away on a 5 day trip. He says it was nothing, just something he did when in a bad space and that he has never cheated on me. He claims I am the "love of his life" and wants to marry me. Should I trust him?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.



From an objective observer's point of view -

trust is earned. He must prove to you that this was a one time incident and will remain as such. Love is also proven. Because you love him, would you do the same thing to him? Most likely you would not. There is also an issue here that he had said it was "nothing" and provided an excuse - being in a bad space hence, seeking distractions. A person can be in a bad space and not use this sort of behavior and the incident is not nothing. It is a major red flag.


Another red flag is the you are worried that he will act out again.

As long as he is not taking responsibility for his behavior and you're forgiving, he won't find the need to change. Would you be willing to live with him like that and constantly wonder what if..?
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am now faced with the dilemma of can I ever really trust him? He was married when I met him (unbeknownst to me) and lured me into a relationship with him. He then left his wife and children "for me" the great love of his life.
A couple of months ago I discovered that he looks at porn constantly, something he dismissed as what all men do. I was very hurt and confused as we have a very good and satisfying sexual relationship - I couldn't understand this need but accepted his reasoning.
He cheated extensively on his wife justifying it with the fact that he didn't love her like he loves me.
Am I being a fool? Is this a man to be trusted?
Thank you.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Usually past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior.

Never trust words but consistent actions.