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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend and I broke up in August of last year. We had

Customer Question

My boyfriend and I broke up in August of last year. We had been together for almost 4 years and it was "love at first sight." I quit my job, moved in with him and gained weight;
he became verbally abusive, which only made me feel more miserable and insecure.

I have moved out (in October), and have just finished my 2nd interview for a non-profit position. I still miss him and care for him.

Love is complex and the line between love and hate seems to be a very thin one at times! There are parts of him that I still love and cherish; he has double personality and can be both nuturing and cruel, depending on the cirucumstances. He, deep down, has many insecurities, but is a brilliant lawyer and very respected by his peers.

Please help me to sort out my feelings for this man! Thanks so much for your help and advice!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
People shoudn't have too personalities. They have one and one of them is abusive, this is never okay. Regardless of whether he is nice or not, abuse is never okay. Try to spend time figuring out why you put up with it and why you would want it back. You can focus on the positive qualities (which most women do) but the negatives are there and they are serious. They are not going to go away. There isn't a fine line It's broad and noticable. Work on getting the relationship you deserve instead of what you will put up with. Sorry to be so harsh. You have to know that you deserve a relationship that is not abusive. Love him from a distance unless he has gotten counseling.