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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Last year, I finally realized that I was in love with a friend

Customer Question

Last year, I finally realized that I was in love with a friend I had known since freshman year. We already spent countless hours together talking, attending events, and flirting, but those years I was wrapped up with more serious crushes on other people. I was also wrapped up in my schoolwork and academic ambitions. Unfortunately, we got together just before he graduated -- a year ahead of me -- and then he entered the Peace Corps in *********.   Having matured and realized the differences between love and lust, I have come to realize that he is the kind of person I want to marry. We share the same values, sense of humor, and balance between adventure and stability. He's in Peace Corps and I'm signed up for the Foreign Service, both similar career types. Now, I'm in my senior year, missing him more than I miss my best friends. I have gone to sleep every single night thinking about him, I wake up thinking about him, and I take hours away from my thesis just to reread our email exchanges. It took me 6 months to erase his last voice-mail on my phone. We are still in email contact under the agreement that it's friendly and no longer romantic.   We both agreed it would be silly to stay together; I'm going to graduate school and he's spending 2 years abroad. But, I lay awake at night wondering if I'm letting another opportunity with this person slip. I never admitted that I was willing to do long-distance because 1) I was afraid of rejection and 2) I didn't want to pressure him into anything that might hold him back from the experience. He also said he did not want to rob me of the experience of dating other people and being stuck in a relationship that could not be entirely fulfilling. However, I don't find dating thrilling unless I can picture marrying the person.   My question, finally, is how ridiculous am I for considering a two-year long distance relationship? Should I break our code of friendly-only chatter and bring up the relationship that was again? Or, given this has the potential to jeopardize a friendship, should I live and let live?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You could just be in a friendship but you know that won't make you happy so what are you waiting for. Functioning this way is just a charade so why do it. Break your silence and let him know how you feel. If he feels the same, then you have great future. If he doesn't want the same things then you haven't wasted the two years yearning for someone who doesn't want a commitment. If it changes the friendship then it still probably would put your mind at ease. To me it seems like an easy choice. If he doesn't want this, then offer to remain friends and wish him the best. You have been a good friend so chances are it won't change anything. You never know. He could be away missing you and not wanting to say anything. Go for what makes you happy