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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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After a person has an affair how do you start over

Customer Question

After a person has an affair how do you start over?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It is very difficult because of the pain. I assume you mean that someone cheated on you. It takes an extremely high level of communication. If you can't talk about why, then you cannot pick up the relationship from this point because you don't understand why it happened. There must be serious attention to rebuilding trust. This must be a constant. To rebuild trust, it takes your partner working to make you feel comfortable that he is not sleeping with others. This takes a commitment on his part. You also have to work on your own self esteem so that you understand it is not your fault. Serious marriage counseling should be considered so that the trust, love and family can be rebuild in a healthy manner.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Yes a partner of 5 years he told me only 8 weeks ago he wasn't sure about us any more and then I found txt messages and then finally caught them together. It happened only once and he say's he wants to be with me but he is unhappy in the relationship. But can't pin point what he is unhappy with.

He has put into place a few things I have asked him to do. But i wondered if there are any material we can use and work through???

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Yes a partner of 5 years he told me only 8 weeks ago he wasn't sure about us any more and then I found txt messages and then finally caught them together. It happened only once and he say's he wants to be with me but he is unhappy in the relationship. But can't pin point what he is unhappy with.

He has put into place a few things I have asked him to do. But i wondered if there are any material we can use and work through???
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I am here to help and apologize for not answering you sooner. Marriage counseling is helpful in finding issues that lead to infidelity. It can help to really understand what issues lead to such unhappiness. Short of that your husband would need to explore these issues on his own and present them to you. If there is mutual respect and the goal of moving forward, then he can let you know what he saw as the issues that led him to cheat. Is through constant communication that these issues can be resolved. It is possible in couples that one person may see a quality as negative and one see it as positive. For instance you may see your sex life as satisfying while he may not. But you can move forward by figuring out why you think about your sex life so differently,