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Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question
Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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Lori, I have written to you before for advice. The fling continues

Resolved Question:

Lori, I have written to you before for advice. The fling continues because I want it to. Now my husband is being the kind of husband he should of been all these years. I love him like family but still want my other life too. It's like, he 's a little late.I feel trapped with my existing life now, before I had a reason to get out when he treated me so bad. It is more a long distance fling and we only can see each other 2 or 3 times a year but talk weekly. I can't stop thinking about him or when's the next time. My fling and I have our cakes and eat it too....what is wrong with me? I know he stays with this young girl now because she got pregnant....she is 21, he is 36, I am 51. Help!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting me again at JustAnswer.


It can be difficult when a partner makes the changes that you wanted them to make, but it feels as if it is too late. The only way that you will be able to tell if you can make the marriage work is if you are willing to end the fling, stopping all contact, and address your feelings about the marriage. Trying to decide between a fling and a marriage is like comparing apples to oranges. They are very different since the fling is generally more of a fantasy than a real relationship that involves daily responsibilities and commitments.


Ideally, it would be important to examine why you might be willing to settle for someone who is only rarely available to you and who is in a relationship with someone else. I would encourage you to explore why you don't consider yourself worth more than this. Individual therapy could be helpful with this. Also, if you decide to end the fling, then couples therapy could be very helpful to work on improving the marriage and allow you to find ways to not feel trapped any more.


I encourage you to take the time to work on you, rather than distracting yourself with the affair. Your husband has made some changes, now the ball is in your court to see if you are willing to work on your part in the marriage.


I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

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