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My wife lost her father over 6 years ago, has started to wear

his varsity ring on a...
My wife lost her father over 6 years ago, has started to wear his varsity ring on a necklace. She has lost her wedding rings and does not seem to care along with her increased going out with her single friend and even abandoned me New Year's evening to be found sharing drinks with a single man - whom she described as a "chance" encounter that knows her brother. She also is interested in new activities such as "salsa dancing" (w/o me) - roller-skating (w/o me) and other things. I believe she is having an affair - but when I asked her if she was seeing anybody, she states that she has not given me any reason to think that - and that I am emotionally abusing her. She has elevated her criticisms of me to calling me a "fatso" and a "liar" if she determines that I have not given enough or omitted some fact. All the while she accuses me of having an affair and that "I can not work with women in my office" I own my current business. But she insists that I abandon my business to go work in corporate america - I explain that doesn't make sense as there are many more women in a large company I'd have to work with. . . she says that it is different. Maybe, but I am the one wearing my wedding ring, I do not go out socially for drinks and dancing with single friends, or married friends for that matter - I work and come home to be with our 3 kids. . . I realize I am miserable -- is what she is doing normal in terms of wearing her deceased father's wedding ring normal? Is she using that gesture to prove a point to me since she claims to have lost her wedding ring? Or does it suggest a possibility of an underlying problem she has yet to explore emotionally. We've been married for 7 years and have 3 children 6, 4 and 3. Thoughts? Suggestions?
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Answered in 4 hours by:
1/6/2011
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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It is always a shame when one person seems more invested emotionally invested than another. Unfortunately that seems to happen a lot. it is also very hurtful when one person starts to need a lot more social activities and possibly include single people, especially those in bars. It sounds like you are tolerating emotional abuse that I don't encourage men or women to tolerate. Along this with that you are growing apart and have less in common. That doesn't mean she is having an affair but it may feel that way. The only way to find that out is through her, her activities or people she knows. Just be prepared that you are ready for the answer!

 

As far as you and your options, you can become the party guy but that would just be pay backs not who you are. You can make your feelings clear but she may not listen. You can focus on your children but that doesn't mean you will have a healthy relationship. So your choices are to move on and find happiness or tolerate mental abuse. I usually say to try counseling but you have tried that so now your choices must be much more serious. Only you can figure out how to address this and salvage your time with your children. Do what you feel is right because name calling is unnecessary

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago

What do you make of her wearing her deceased father's varsity ring on her necklace and losing her wedding rings? It feels that is a sign of something unhealthy -- not seeking a conclusion, but just a preliminary impression about what wearing a ring for the first time after over 6 years since his passing. . .

I would not be as worried about the necklace. There could be a number of reasons including just missing him. We don't know when or what is triggering these feelings so we can read too much into them. Be more concerned about why or if she lost her wedding rings from you. Sometimes people say this so they don't have to wear them. Find out more about this.
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6,893
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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