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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have a girl that i have been seeing for 4 weeks. A week

Resolved Question:

I have a girl that i have been seeing for 4 weeks.

A week ago, she tells me that she is suffering from depression and that she wants to cool things off and for us to "Be Good Friends". She stated that she wanted to calm the depression down, and takes things on from where we left off when she was feeling better.

I agreed to this, and we have been texting talking since, although just lately she has becombe very distant.

Just last night, she text me to say that her father who lives in Scotland has been told he has only 6 months to live, and HE wanted her to go back to her ex boyfriend who HE still loved. so, not wanting to feel guilty she is stuck in a dilema. Im pretty sure that she likes me because she was very adamant that she wanted us to pick up where we left off.

Her mother passed away when she was the age of 4 so her father has been there for her since.

He tells me she needs space to work things out and she is very very confused at what she should do, I think she still may feelings for her ex and it wouldnt take much for her to go back to him.

I feel like im losing this girl who i have grown very fond of and she too. Im so worried and anctious about the whole situation. I cant eat, sleep or anything. She is not replying to my texts now either.

So worried.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I wish I could say something that could fix this but as in any relationship it takes two willing and motivated people to remain in that relationship. You are fortunately and unfortunately an emotional guy who commit totally to a relationship and that's why you are having a hard time adjusting to this new situation. If she returns to this other guy, whether out of guilt or out of choice. You cannot change that. In that case, you have to move forward and find someone who really appreciates you. If you want to continue to leave words of wisdom in the hope that she does not go with him, then that's fine too but be prepared for hanging onto something that may not work out. As far as her depression and her stress she is definitely under stress and will decide what she's to decide. She may be feeling obligated because of the situation to this guy, but that means you can't change it. Try to give it some time but then after that it's time to move on.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thanks

 

Its the sheer fact that im in limbo, i want to be with her so much and feel that she is being forced into something she is not wanting to keep her father happy. She stated that her father had told her that he wants them to be together even if they split after he had passed away.

 

There is a bit of an age gap between us and aparently he was "not happy" at being told that we were seeing each other. This makes me think this is what is driving her away from me.

 

Im just waiting for the text or call to say we are through and its crippling me, it really is

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
That's the worse part of a break up is the limbo. That's why you should be very clear on the phone about her plan (she may have positive plans for the two of you in spite of her father). Be prepared the best you can and proceed according to her wishes. The quicker the call the quicker you are not in limbo. If she is not sure then move on eventually. You can't wait forever. Or call her first. Either way you are subject to her plans. If this is not to be, you have no choice but to find someone who can be with you with no strings attached.
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