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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1767
Experience:  PHD LPC
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My younger sister (25) is in love with an older guy (46) who

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My younger sister (25) is in love with an older guy (46) who also seems to love her and treat her very well. They get along and appear to be a perfect match. They have been dating for over 4 years. her boyfriend had an earlier marriage which didn't work out. My sister plans to get married to her boyfriend within 1 year. She has not told my devoutly religious parents and she is very concerned about hurting them or what their reaction might be. I told her that I will always love and support her and respect her right to make her own decisions. So far she has been able to keep her relationship a secret however I think our Mom knows and just follows the policy of "dont ask dont tell". Any words of advice that I can give to my sister?

Dr. Keane :

Hi, I can help you today.

Dr. Keane :

The one thing I would suggest your sister do is to let your parents know "officially" that there will be a wedding. You are supportive, that's great and may be a huge help to her with your parents. I assume the problem is more about his earlier marriage than the age difference?

Dr. Keane :

I would also suggest that she approach telling your parents in an upbeat happy manner. If she is afraid of telling them and her delivery of the news presents her as hesitant and fearful they most likely will react to her negativity. If she is smiling and happy they may see the situation as less negative (maybe not the religious aspect). That aspect will need to be handled in a way that respects your parents view while letting them know it will not affect her decision to marry.

Dr. Keane :

If you suspect your mother knows the announcement will be expected, and she may handle it well especially if she has been quiet about it so far.

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