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I recently broke up with a girl I have been with for six years

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and engaged to. She...
I recently broke up with a girl I have been with for six years and engaged to. She graduated college and continued to work at applebees and go out with her friends until 5 in the morning. We were getting ready to move in together. She is the love of my life and do not want to lose her forever. She is my best friend also. She will not talk to me at all now because i have pushed her. She did still tell me she still loved me. What do I do?
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 24 minutes by:
1/5/2011
Counselor: Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 7 years ago
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
Verified

Hi,

 

You've already attempted to let her know how you feel. If the break up too place recently, she may need some time to gather her thoughts. It is possible that she does not want to react while she is still upset. She could be fearing that if the two of you reunite, she may get hurt again if things do not work out.

 

Six years is a long time to just put behind. If you keep in touch with her family, you may want to try and talk to them. See what their perception is of what may be going on. If you were the one to initiate the break up, she may be angry. Anger takes longer to manage then disappointment.

 

If you are to write to her again (not texting or email) you may want to hand write her a letter, ask her at least to tell you when would she be ready to talk to you. Let her know that you are willing to give her the time needed to sort her emotions. Also ask if there are things she can propose to address this situation such as couple's counseling, pin point what had caused the break up and if that can be corrected.

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago
The problem now is that she doesn't trust that i can give her time. I have told her that and broken the rules. Her whole family loves me to death and want us to work. She has told me she has no idea what the future will hold. She was the one who wanted the engagement and i was to sure, but then i did and was settling down with her and she said i relied on her to much and she felt like she couldnt do stuff she wanted to do. She has blocked my phone number and acts as though she is having a good time.
Counselor: Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 7 years ago

She could be having a good time. That does not mean that when she's in the privacy of her home she's not upset or does not miss you. You've spent a lot of time together.

 

As far as her ability to trust you, that is something you have to work on. While she is not talking to you, try to figure out what makes you break your promises to her. She will want to see results not just hear words on your part. If you end up writing to her, you can outline your plan for how you are going to work on yourself while respecting her wish for no contact for the time being. You're having difficultly with impatience and that makes it hard to not pursue her. But, at the same time, that shows her that you're not able to do what you've promisesed her. She has to be able to trust you. That is very important in any relationship.

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago
She told me the other night that she was done for good then said she didnt know what will happen. I know that she is going out at night with people from work. She came over new years night and she just said it was weird not being together for it. She let me kiss her that night, but a couple days after i brought her her jacket and she would not kiss me. She did say she would always love me. We have talked about other people being interested in us and both of us said we couldnt yet. We are both 24 and have had great times together. We go to the lake with a bunch of friends all summer and they are more my friends then hers but she stills misses them and wants to see them. I invited her to go out to denver for a concert that we both like and she said she would let me know. She asked my sister in law to be the maid of honor in our wedding also and my whole family loves her .
Counselor: Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist replied 7 years ago
I'm not sure what response you're seeking. If it is just reassurance that she'd come back. She knows what she wants and had told you what that is at this time. She may change her mind, no one but her knows what the future holds.
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Category: Relationship
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