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Hi my partner has moved 200 miles away to care for her mum

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after a big operation yesterday,she...
Hi my partner has moved 200 miles away to care for her mum after a big operation yesterday,she actually went 3 months ago due to her mums failing health so i have been visiting monthly when i get time off work.A month ago my partner took on a full time job which i didnt agree with because we have sold our large house and are renting until mum is sorted out so she has no money worries,yet took on a job that will leave her mum on her own for 8 hours a day,her choice but defeating the object of being there.I went down after xmas having taken holiday on her request to support her whilst mum in hospital,for her to inform me that despite telling me she would take a day off work on operation day,she hasnt even asked to do so.I was rather fed up by this as i felt that that was dishonest but i would stay and visit her mum whilst she was at work,but in future dont tell me one thing and do another just keep me informed of whats happening up front and not 2 days before in a sneaky way.she became furious and told me she was not for me and threw me out of the house leaving me to make my way home immediately.I know she is under stress from operation ect,but feel very hard done by.I dont want it to end like this and we have had a chat about mums op which was pleasant if awkward.I feel that i should leave it until the weekend and drive down to apologise about my timing as maybe i shouldnt have said anything during this tense time.If i,m dismissed again under a different atmosphere then obviously thats it,but am apprehensive to give it ago.should i wait for her to apologise to me which if she did would be the first time she would go back on her word.Prior to this she was telling family she was looking forward to coming home in april to restart our life together.It seems to me a massive jump just by me telling her how i feel,albeit at the wrong time.Any ideas please.Barry
Submitted: 6 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 24 minutes by:
1/5/2011
Counselor: psychlady, Counselor replied 6 years ago
psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Taking care of a relative is very stressful especially when theyare very sick. You are right that this could be a difficult time. But don't wait for he to apologize. She may see you as hurtful and insensitive. So by all means call and sort this out. People act very erratic when they are under stress especially when facing too many responsbilities. Try to verbalize your position however so she knows that this was about her not keeping her word. If she is willing to listen, she will see things from your perspective too. She may at that time felt that you had caused her more stress when she was already stretched too thin.

 

If she is done, you will have to accept that. But she very likely felt unsupported as well. The only way to know is to make that call. There is always a chance that someone wants to end a relationship but you won't know that if you don't swallow our pride. Try to call, talk a lot, find a compromise, and go from there.

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago
Ok thanks for that.Now i have thought of two strategies do i call her tonight or turn up unannounced at the weekend to talk in a sensitive way face to face?
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