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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My ex and I were very much in love but our relationship ended

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My ex and I were very much in love but our relationship ended 2 months ago because of something I said that very much upset the other person. They told me that it was over because they had lost trust in me and believed that I couldn't change. I was told to move on and that the other person didn't want to see or hear from me ever again. Between Oct and Dec they emailed a mutual friend saying things like 'I will always have feeling for her but it is time to let go and it will always hurt because I love her', 'I miss her' and that they had made a mistake and wanted some of the stuff back I had given them. Then this person retracted and said it was a mistake and to forget the emails. I met up with this person on the 1st dec at their request and again in Cape Town airport, South Africa (we were both in the same country over xmas and New Year, but not together). I asked what these meetings meant and they said that they only wanted to be friends and that they didn't want to open themselves up to hurt anymore. I was told again to 'find my own happiness' and then the other person flew home to the UK. Yesterday I sent an email saying that their offer of friendship was more than I could have expected under the circumstances and that I was more than happy to accept the olive branch in what ever capacity it is given. The reply I recieved said 'I need to make it 100% clear that friendship is all that I can give. Youneed to be honest with yourself in not expecting anything more... I am being very honest with you and giving you a straight answer'.

Given the information above what I want to know from you is it possible be in love with someone one minute and end things only to offer friendship 2 months down the line...is it that easy to switch off and suggest friendship so soon?

Regards
Anon
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I think some people really are capable of such things but for the most part not everyone else. Some people really can shield their emotions so that they can switch back and forth very easily. I believe that these people are not the group that feels emotions so intensely although that is just my opinion. When people can do this they are not the ones that feel this intensity. I am glad that you have friends that you concern yourself about as you. I am also glad that you are honest with people as well. Try to be aware of other's feelings and how they are impacted by your statements. The people that switch seem also to be able to move from one relationship to a friendship very easily. Be aware of how you switch off and on and how you respond to others doing so as well. They don't get it and don't see themselves as switching from one emotion to another
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Other.
The person in question is highly sensitive and gets hurt very easily. They do shut down when hurt and from previous experience don't forgive too easily. That is why I am confused as to their quick change of heart in letting me back in their life.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I agree that people are very different and some can transition their feelings quickly. It can be very confusing and it can mean you holding on for something that may not happen because your transition is slower. Protect yourself by holding yourself back a little. Knowing that she can be your friend at this point. What she has done in the past is insignificant now. She is what she is now. She may be not as sensitive as you once thought and can function totally now as your friend. Don't dwell on her personality (especially in the past) except now what she is offering
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