Thank you for the reply. But a point of clarification is that the affair I've been involved with is the same person for 10 years.
I agree with what you have said so far, but the biggest need I have now is to know how to end the marriage.
My wife moved out 9 months ago to accept a job in another state but is making plans to move back into the home this month. Things were not good when she left, but after she left divorce was discussed but she will not accept it. She is not accepting what I have told her, i.e., I don't have intimate feelings for her, being treated with disrespect by her and the kids (23, 24, 25) etc. Her response is that she forgave me, I need to forgive her for not always being kind, get over it and just go through the motions and the feelings will come back.
I just lost my father a few months ago who I was close to and my mother tells me to get my act together, I have responsibilities to my wife and worse of all, my father would never act like this.
Despite my attempts to discuss and resolve, I always surrender and then I feel frustrated and weak. I can't seem to get beyond the guilt, the hopeless feeling and the feeling that I am destined to stay in this relationship for ever.
How do I get my wife to understand that we need to end the relationship?