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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am 27 years old and around 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd

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I am 27 years old and around 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. A few months ago, I married the father of this child who I have been with for about 3 years. I have never been a huge fan of the idea of marriage, but figured since it was so difficult raising my first child alone I didn't want to to it with the second. I also needed health insurance that his job provides, and my family is very traditional and looks down on having children out of wedlock. He wanted to have a child but I didn't, at least not at that point and really not with him. Right now he is working and I am a full time college student, studying to be a physician's assistant. I had a pretty good job taking care of a gentleman with cerebral palsy until he died unexpectedly last March, and I have been unable to find employment since (being pregnant does not help). I find that I would rather not be bothered dealing with him and would probably rather just be a single parent. I don't really respect him or what he thinks, and that's just being honest. One big issue is that he is obsessed with dogs, he breeds bulldogs. Our detached garage has been turned (by him) into a kennel. He spends a lot of time out there when he is not at work, which is fine with me because I really don't want him in the house bugging me, and I will admit the dogs are well cared for. It's hard for me to respect anyone who is "passionate" about breeding dogs--do something that matters at least. Anyway, my latest source of conflict is that we installed a wood burning stove in the garage to heat it for the dogs. We were unaware of any potential health effects from doing this, but soon after I started feeling burning in my eyes, nose and throat and looked into and found that wood burning stoves can be detrimental to one's health and pregnant women, elderly, and children are particularly vulnerable. I am very concerned about this, especially for the new baby, but he thinks it's just health officials being extreme. I'm thinking I should just move out. Either that or give him an ultimatum? I hate doing that, but I'm not going to put everyone is respiratory distress because of the stupid dogs. Anyway, I would like to know what a professional thinks. Thank you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It sounds very complicated for you and I am sorry about the kennel thing. I am surprised that your husband hasn't been more concerned. It sounds like there isn't a lot of love in your home. That is a shame as well. You have to make yourself happy with your situation regardless of how others feel. Even with a baby you still deserve happiness. If you are ready to move out, he has no choice but to compromise with your move. Find a mutual decision and act on it. An ultimate won't work if you are ready to go, but find a middle ground to separate with the baby's interest at heart. If you are considering staying, then the dogs, the stove, etc has to be more considerate of you. If you give ultimatum be prepared that if he doesn't keep up his end. And you still will have to find a compromise. Good luck
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