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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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living with my guy 8 years ;he has made a wedding date twice

Customer Question

living with my guy 8 years ;he has made a wedding date twice now he is saying he doesnt need a paper to love me and the paper will not make us happy but he knows my relious beliefs and i would have not moved in with him if i didnt think we were going to get married at some point ,my questin is will he ever marry me?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
My experience is that when a guy says he doesn't need a piece of paper then he wasn't going to get married, to anyone. It's their way of getting out of it. That's not a proven fact but if they feel that way today then they probably felt that way yesterday. Your decision is going to be whether you can live with him with the possibility that you will never get married (in light of your religious beliefs). He also knows those beliefs and the impact too. So it makes it even more devastating that he feels this way. He is surely sending you a huge message. Ultimately you can let him know that this is a deal breaker but he probably knows that. If you decide to move out there really is no need to be friends but that is your decision. Try to tell him that marriage is essential to you and you will have no choice but to move out. Maybe he will do the right thing and it may prove to be a eye opener
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

thank you i think you are on target / its to bad because he is a good man but his first wife burned him and even tho it has been 20 years or so he still is not going to marry anyone he says he is comitted to me but his actions says different

 

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I have heard this story many times. A person has one bad experience and they generalize that experience to all after her. And unfortunately he measures everyone's actions by that as well. This could explain a lot. That his fears aren't about you they are about the institution of marriage. And you really can't do anything to counter this because he has based his experience on this one bad relationship. He may be committed to you but now has convinced himself that being married ruins the relationship but he has to change his mind and the question of whether you have that amount of patience is up to you. If you truly believe that his actions say this is a dead end street then you have a decision to make. Your choices remain waiting to see if he will take the leap or finding a guy who is marriage phobic.