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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I cant seem to love for long! I fall in love FAST AND HARD

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I can't seem to love for long! I fall in love FAST AND HARD and put everything I have into that person and then I fall out of love FAST AND HARD... I was in a relationship when I was late highschool early college that I dated him for 4 years.. .I ended that relationship because I said that he just didn't pay enough attention to me ... the real reason was that I was FICKLE and I couldnt shake the feeling that I needed to find my ONE TRUE LOVE. Then I had a couple more short relationships that I did the same about falling in love fast and out of love fast. I finally married someone who I walked down the aisle wishing I wasnt marrying because I didnt think he was THE ONE. 4 years later and a little boy later I blamed him for drinking to much and divorced him (he did drink to much but may be I pushed him into it because he felt the fact that i didnt love him). Three months after I filed for divorce I met a man and we conceived a baby the first night we met each other... I fell in love hard and fast like I always do. However, after a month or so I started feeling the same way I always do... like I didn't really love him and that I was missing out on my ONE TRUE LOVE. I have kicked him out of the house three times in the past year (not really for anything worth kicking him out over) and now (like I did approximately one year ago) I told him how I'm feeling... like I love him as a person and we get along fine and we could MAKE it work but should I make it work.. I just feel like I'll always be fickle and I'll always wonder if I am missing out on my one true love ..... I KNOW there has to be something wrong with me... What do I do? Why can't I just make this relationship work.. he's good to my son and he's good out our daughter... he's good to me... what do I do to make my self ok with not being marriage love with him? Do I marry him even though I'm feeling this way?force it?

Don't be in any relationship and ever enter into marriage if you think it's not going to work. Relationships are difficult enough when you both are very very in love. Sometimes when people jump from relationship to relationship or they fall out of love a lot it could be because they are scared to be alone. Let me explain. When we are scared of being in love, we become anxious and jump into relationships that are not quite what we want them to be. We sort of settle. Instead of waiting for Mr. Right we settle for Mr. Right Now. Being alone to that person is scary and a negative experience. Where others may enjoy the adventure of being single, this person finds being single and sometimes even think there is something wrong with them because they don't have a mate. The need to be needed and adored outweighs the need to be selective. Often times this is all tied up in low self esteem. If you learn and work on being happy with yourself and settle for relationships that are not quite what you want. This also leads to constant burn out because you won't need to be with someone to feel good about yourself. Hope this helps


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do you think that there is someone out there that I will WANT to marry? perhaps there isnt anyone that I will want to marry and I'm passing up on a good guy. How do I know for sure I'm capable of feeling marriage love with anyone?!?!
I think everyone is able to have that intense love. But one thing I know is that when people settle their heart isn't open to find a more intense love and there are lots of regret. There are no guarantees in life but I just have to believe that with an open heart there would be a guy you would like to marry. In the end it's up to you to either take a chance or marry someone you already are having doubts about. You deserve the happiest life possible
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