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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1700
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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I have been married to my Husband for 2.5 years and we were

Customer Question

I have been married to my Husband for 2.5 years and we were together for a year before that. We are both 37. When we met he was exactly what i was looking for in a life partner. Motivated, honest, caring and active. For the last 2 years there has been a continual downturn in all these qualities, except honesty. I do everything around the house even though we both work. At home it is like he is switched off, doesn't notice anything and has no interest in anything. If he is at home he is horizontal on the sofa. Aside from that he is at work. He has lost all interest in anything outside of work, has little motivation to socialise and no longer has any hobbies. He has had a dope smoking problem and obviously i think this is a major factor (this has increased over the last year). He has also put on a lot of weight and has little interest in looking after himself physically. I feel i get no support or care from him. Whereas we used to touch all the time we no longer do. He used to be really interested in cooking fine food, now he eats rubbish. He used to exercise regularly, now he is totally inert. He is nothing like the man i met and thought i would spend my lifetime with. I have been diagnosed with stress and anxiety recently and believe my homelife is the cause. All i know is that this is never what i imagined or wanted marriage to be like and i definitely do not want to spend my life like this. We have been having counselling lately but little has changed and he 'says' but does not 'do' when promising to improve things. What i really want to know is...Am i being unrealistic in wanting to have a fulfilling partnership where chores and a happy life and interaction together are shared? I am probably more active than the average person but do understand that not everyone is the same, i just want more than day after day of a lazy horizontal, sleeping Husband for company! Quite often he can't even hold a conversation because he is 'too tired'. Should i be expecting more from life? Or should i get over it and just get on with life regardless and try not to let his lack of interaction bother me? I feel i have had enough to the point where i feel i must move on and start living life again without him...for my own sake.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Walt-mod replied 6 years ago.

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