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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I found out in August that my husband had a gambling problem

Customer Question

I found out in August that my husband had a gambling problem and had got us into £60,000 in debt. I supported him through the process of getting the oney paid back, and this was done in November since then, he has completely changed. We have had a stong marriage for over 10 years now, we have always been a team. He now has no consideration towards me.

He does not let me know when he is working late. He finds it difficult to communicate to me. We are like strangers. I states that he does not deserve me. It is like I am being punished for supporting him. He can not get this feeling out of his head. he feels that I am better off
without him, that he is crumbling inside. We have got from a strong marriage to strangers.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.



What specific question would you like feedback on?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am trying to understand why in the last couple of months, since the gambling monies have been paid back, why has my husband's beviour changed. There is a lack of communication. It is like he wants to be punished for hurting me, (through the gambling). He is pushing me away by stating that as I supported him, he does not deserve me. He walks out the door and has no consideration, it is like I do not exist. He feels that anything he says or does will hurt me, so sometimes does nothing. We have had a strong marriage and now in the space of two months we are like strangers. I do not know how to help him believe that we have always been a team and have got through things together. We have never had this type of issue before.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

If in fact his behavior is driven by guilt, you can continue to reassure him about where you stand. He has to work through this on his own. You can not speed it up for him even when you're supportive. He has to accept his mistake (everyone makes them), accept you've forgiven him, and then forgive himself/deal with the shame and move on.


Another possibility when someone acts like this way is that they are still struggling with doing what they know is expected and may have regressed but not told you about it. But, if you've never had this issue before, that may be what is making it difficult for him to get over it. If he is willing to talk to someone objective, you may ask him if he's open to talk to a counselor. There are also online support groups.


Otherwise, be there for him to listen when he vents, reassure him and do not spend a lot of time on your end talking about the issue. Tell him you've found your peace and wish he does try to find his.

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