Hi and please accept my apologies.
I think the moniker HandsomeJoe threw me off for a bit here.
A few things here. First off, whether you are Mom or Dad your insights and ideas are great and indicative of great parenting. I so like your idea of her writing up some questions for the father of her children that I am going to start to use the same exercise with my own clients to help them with closure on difficult situations. I think you parent very well.
I cant help, however, from having reread all these posts between you and I as if you are somehow asking me for some sign you might look for that this young man will step up to the plate? And I think his every behavior since before these children were born is such that he will never do that. I cannot even begin to imagine why he would so radically change.
Now, I have only been doing this work for 32 years and only seen a few thousand cases exactly like this so I cannot be 200 per cent sure, but I am fairly sure that he is never going to be a good dad and father no matter what. He abandoned your daughter when she was seven months pregnant and he already has a new woman. I do not know how much more he can do to show her that he is never going to be her partner and is not going to parent these children. I do not know what else he can to do show her this.
I think there are times when we can be hopeful and times when we need to be realistic. This is the time to be realistic. He has never shown any interest in parenting these children and there is nothing to motivate him to do so.
He is limited as a human being because he is not accountable or responsible for his actions and frankly I would think your grandchildren would learn more from another role model rather than their biological father.
Its so easy to make a baby but its so tough to parent and this man was able to make babies but he cannot parent.
Soften the blow for your daughter as best you can. Hope that she can put it all together and move forward with her life. Of the several thousand women I have treated in your daughters very same situation, many of them met men who accepted them and their children and parented those children as if they were their own. I have had many families in my practice over the years where men stepped up to parenting the children of the women they met and loved and have the children to be well cared for, loved and safe.
I think the chances of this man turning around are nil. I would love to be proved wrong but the odds are too stacked against him on this for him to make a compete turn around.
Continue to support and love your daughter as you do.
Thank you for teaching me not to be so quick to gender bend MISS Customer.
You have all my best on a painful and tough post.