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Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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Hi, my name is Tyler and a relationship i had just ended a

Customer Question

Hi, my name is XXXXX XXXXX a relationship i had just ended a couple days ago. I feel torn up inside after a year plus with her. I am 22 years old and she is 19. Robyn is a girl i met up at my cabin 2 hours northwest of where i live. She currently is in her first semester at college which is 30 mins from where i live. Deep down i know she didn't want to end it. Her mom is someone who is insecure, and jealous of her based on what she has said to her and instead of supporting her, she brings her down with criticism. Robyn (my ex) is also controlling in a way, but her beauty and the one side her makes it hard to drive away from her and wants me to get back with her again. I know she cared about me deeply, and i treated her with respect and gave her the love she hadn't had before. All together i believe she's someone who just isn't happy with herself. She is a girl that tells you whens something is wrong or she doesn't feel good. she tells her mom everything that goes on as if her mom and her are best friends, and not mother and daughter. For the first 6 months i didn't have a license, so it was hard getting up the cabin to get together with her parents, but at the same time they judged wrongly because of it, almost as if i wasn't good enough. All together i would say i went up and hungout with her parents a total of 8-10 times, but at the same time it's hard to be around her mom because of the disrespect she has given to me that i found out through robyn. When Robyn is here at school, she seems happier, as compared to when she goes home, its not the same, based on the fact of what her mom drills in her head about all the "negative things i provide for her" or somethin to get her away, which makes her different at home. I feel its her mom controlling our relationship and also robyn's happiness, which is hard because i can't disrespect her mom or tell her what to do. To end it off, i know it sounds like why do you wanna be with this girl because of all of this but at the same time love is a special feeling and i feel deep about her. I wanna know if there is anyway i have a chance at getting her back either now or sometime in the future or if based on what i said her mom seems to have wrecked the possibility
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi Tyler and thanks for writing.


Yes I think you have a good chance of reconnecting with her sometime down the line. Nineteen years old is very young indeed and when she begins to think for herself she might very well think better of a relationship with you.

Even if her mother is very controlling, only children allow others to control their lives. Adults do not allow this.

Give her some time to grow up and see what happens?

let me know what you think?

Warm regards, Cathy

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Cathy, one more thing. The way it ended up has broughten me mentally and also emotionally down. Through text messages, everything came out at saturday and sunday night in a way i felt wasn't coming exactly from what she wanted. Saturday and sunday she hungout with a friend of hers who she has known since 7th grade, the same age as me 22. Off of that, i believe he along with her family influenced her decision in wanting to end it, on me not being good enough for her. To tell you the truth, i think she doesn't mean it. The way it ended was her saying she didn't want to talk to me again and since monday night we haven't talked. It all happened abruptly, which all makes it that much worse, for how i feel and how long we were together.

I wanna call her on friday to talk about how i feel after how it's ended up and also to see how she feels herself about us as a couple. Do you have any tips as to how i should treat the conversation, besides fighting or acting desperate and how I can let her know that i trully do care for her and that all i want is to clear the air if it is the end of it?
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi Tyler and thanks for writing back. I dont think she is going to change her mind any time soon. I would not expect her to change her mind by Friday. I would say wait a year or two and see then.

I know you are really hurting now. We all do when we lose love relationships as you have. The thing is that you are going to feel better in time and you will get over this. The more that you try to contact this young woman the more you will drive her away. So let it go. Do not contact her no matter what. Get out there no matter how painful it might be and start to meet others. Do not wait for her.

I know you are in a great deal of pain just like millions before you and millions after you. A broken heart is the absolute worst. Just theworst. The key is to keep busy and let time put distance between you both.

I promise you will feel better in time and I suspect you will meet someone else more mature who will make you forget this woman ever lived.

Pretty sure anyway.

Do not contact her. Move forward and take good care of you.

Take very good care ofyou.


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I still feel that it's best just to let her know that i am hurt and that even know im not expecting to get back together whatsoever, i feel it'd help end it in a positive way just to know exactly how she feels through a phone call besides over a message. any thoughts?
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

If you feel that talking to her is best for you than by all means do that, but also, at the same time understand that it will further antagonize her and her family and lessen the likelihood that at a time in the future this relationship can be salvaged. When you first posted you asked:


I wanna know if there is anyway i have a chance at getting her back either now or sometime in the future or if based on what i said her mom seems to have wrecked the possibility


When I advised you no contact it was in response to that question. Now you say that you think it would be best for you to speak with her and do not care if there is a future, in which case I say, do what is best for you.


Good Luck.


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