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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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If someone says they give up on you when they are angry do

Customer Question

If someone says they give up on you when they are angry do they really mean it? I feel like me and this guy have been on and off for 2 years and I feel like he's never really gone even when we aren't together. Whenever he gets mad at me he won't talk to me for weeks and then all of a sudden he will appear. He has told me he loved me and cares for me and I feel that way too I just think this time he told me gives up on me because I was busy Thursday with work and went to see my friend afterwards I was so tired when I came home I told him I'd talk to him the next day and wished him a goodnight but he says to me "once again we don't talk, I give up." He never voiced to me at all that he wanted to talk to me he could of texted me or called me but he never did, how was I suppose to know he wanted to do that? Does he have a right to be mad at me? I feel like I always forgive him and even though he says he gives up I feel in a week from now he will talk to me again this has been going on for 2 years he just won't make me his girlfriend and he keeps mentioning it. Why would he tell me he gives up on me because I didn't stay up and talk to him Thursday night. He has school the next morning and I didn't want him to lose sleep I care about him and how he does. I feel he doesn't understand I love him unconditionally and I wish he would appreciate it and will want to be with me. How should I bring him back into my life?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.



His statement of giving up on you may have nothing to do with you.


This may be his way of avoiding the situation if he does not like conflict, does not know how to communicate his own needs, and finds the easy route to just blame his behavior on you.


If you have been forgiving him all of the time, he had made a habit out of acting this way knowing that you would accept him back when he returns to you. Why would he want to change his behavior? It suits him so far.


He may be ambiguous as far as what he wants out f a relationship and what his expectations of you are. It has to do with his emotional maturity level and it his own commitment to a relationship (which, he may not have) If you're going back and forth with him for 2 years, if things do not change, you may have another 2+ years of the same.


What would need to happen is for him to be able to communicate with you instead of resort to avoidance by leaving and blaming you. As far as how you can assist him in that, just point out to him how destructive his behavior is to the relationship. Insist that he tells you clearly what his expectations are of you, of himself and where does he see the relationship going. Ask him open ended questions and stick to the facts (of what you described his behavior had been towards you) He has to take responsibility and like you said he could have communicated even via text with you. You do not read minds.


Getting him back in your life would be something he himself has to initiate. If you're the one doing all of the work, he would not give you his 100% unconditionally. But, first he has to take responsibility for his actions and has to want to change and make the effort to do so.


If the two of you have mutual goals for the relationship, then you focus on that and take if from there. Find out what does he want and is willing to do.

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