Relationship

Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Relationship

About two months ago my wife got up in the morning, was a bit

Customer Question
teary eyed and said she...
About two months ago my wife got up in the morning, was a bit teary eyed and said she had not slept well. Of course I asked what was wrong and she said "I don't think I love you as much anymore and I don't know how to get it back". Upon further prompting by myself she said over the past year she started to not feel the same way about me. We have been married for 13 years and they have been very happy times for the most part. I am 41 and she is 42. No children. Of course I had sensed things were not 100%.

As depression was a factor in what she told me I said she should see her family doctor to discuss this. She saw her and had a counselling session about depression. A session was then booked with a social worker whom she saw last week. When I asked how it went her voice tightened a bit and she said "okay" but did not elaborate. I let a few days go by and asked her if anything had changed in her feelings towards me and her response was "no". She again then got teary eyed and I had to try & extract some more information from her.

One of the main issues that I have with her is that my health has deteriorated over the past couple years: chronic fatigue which brought on depression and lately and issue with weakness in my legs which I am awaiting testing on. I try not to let it interfere with our relationship. In the past she has mentioned that she wanted to get out and do more things and I have made an effort about that and she readily agrees on that front. She is also in agreement that she has not been there for me through this illness - no nuturing. She is generally a happy person and a lot of people like her. No chance of her having an affair. Our sexual relationship has been fine but of course there is a sense of her just going through the motions. This may also be caused by her age.

My question: is there a chance of us staying together if she agrees to counselling? We are extremely civil to each other and there is no fighting; basically the magic has left the relationship for her. I have never forgot a birthday or anniversary and have always tried hard to make things 'fun' as I know marriages can fall apart and become boring if you let them and this also is something that she readily acknowledges. Not having children may be causing some resentment as well but she knew that soon after meeting me that children were not a priority.

Your thoughts please.
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Relationship
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Answered in 2 hours by:
11/12/2010
Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago
Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Verified

Hi and thanks for writing JA

 

I think your question is: is there a chance of us going forward with our relationship if we get counseling and of course there is. Having said that, you say your wife only saw a counselor for herself last week? I know you are very anxious and worried but since your wife only saw a professional counselor one week ago, you have lots of time to go before you know what the outcome might be.

 

I know you must be so hurting on this but if your wife has only had one single therapy session there is no way to tell what is going to happen in the future.

 

The other thing, of course, is that all long term relationships change with time. All of us experience ebbs and flows in long term relationships that take some work on both parts. You have not mentioned major issues such as sexual or financial problems or abuse. I have to believe that you have every reason to be hopeful on this but after one week? No reason to panic just yet. Its so early in the therapy stage to begin worrying. Six months yes, one week no.

Let me know what else is on your mind so I can help you to feel better about this?

Warm regards,

Cathy

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Verified
Cathy and 87 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 7 years ago

Hi Cathy,

 

No, everything is fine sexually, financially and there have been no issues with abuse. However, for the past several months my wife has taXXXXX XXXXXttle verbal 'shots' at me. About a month ago I broke down and cried my eyes out to her as she was not providing the support that I need to get through/copy with my illness. Last night I said to her that we have been getting along fine and her reply was "as friends, yes". Another example that I can provide is in the spring I framed a special picture of her performing live in a music band and her response was lukewarm to say the least. Someone she works with even gave her heck for the response. This woman used to adore me. Keep in mind I had to push her to attend the therapy with her doctor and she doesn't meet with the therapist again until early December. Could this be some sort of middle aged crisis? Your thoughts please.

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago

Yes of course it could be, but its impossible to say without knowing her and seeing her for a face to face evaluation.

This about face on her part is disturbing and there is no way any of us from here can diagnose her or say what might be happening, but I will tell you this.......the more upset and disturbed you are by her changes in behavior the worse it will be for you. I think the more that you react to her the worse it will be.

 

I want to be very very clear with you on this so the first thing I would say is yes, I completely understand why you are so worried. That said the last thing I would do is let her know how distraught you are by her behavior. I say this especially if she has suddenly felt herself "trapped" in her marriage to you. If you behave as if you are very distraught you will come across as needy and dependent, so the reason I am advising as I am, is that if in the event she is feeling trapped (for reasons at this juncture we cannot know) I want you to have some leverage later on and to do that, you must seem concerned but not overly so.

Does this make sense to you>

The other thing of course is that it is going to take her weeks if not months in counseling to figure this out so early expectations of a resolution on this will only disappoint you. Can you arrange to also see your own therapist during this time? I would want you to have sometime to talk to, to express your fears and frustrations to who is caring and compassionate toward you>

Is this possible?

Let me know.

Thanks

Cathy

Ask Your Own Relationship Question
Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago
This answer is protected
Would you like to ask this question?
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Ask Cathy Your Own Question
Cathy
Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
1,436 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice

Cathy is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Counselor

1,720 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ms Chase

Ms Chase

Life Coach

853 satisfied customers

Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Psychotherapist

468 satisfied customers

Specializing in relationship/family counseling

Dr. Norman Brown

Dr. Norman Brown

Marriage Therapist

427 satisfied customers

Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

366 satisfied customers

Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.

Suzanne

Suzanne

Therapist, LCSW

338 satisfied customers

Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

DrJackiePhD

DrJackiePhD

Doctor

338 satisfied customers

I have been doing research in relational/interpersonal communication since 1998. My Ph.D. is in interpersonal communication.

< Previous | Next >

Related Relationship Questions
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos
My wife and I have been married 40 years. In sorting photos I noticed while organizing our old photos that she kept a number of photos (7 or 8) of an old boy friend. She dated him off and on for about… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in
Hello I am a 38-year-old male and work full-time in law-enforcement. Over five years ago I met a woman through my work and her daughter was 11 at the time. She was with somebody then so I thought noth… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we
my girlfriend and I were dating for around a year and we attend the same church . We had both been out of long term relationships and healed each other before forming our own relationship. We were going great and madly Inlove .her behavior was amazing towards me with no signs of changing for the worse up until November 2017 we were having these tiny but annoying arguments mostly caused by me and my trust issues I will admit . So I called her one morning to make up for an argument we had the night before and she suddenly tells me she doesn't love me anymore and she does not want the relationship anymore . I freeze but go about the usual desperate plead and beg route which made her even more upset . We attend church that Sunday and when she sees me she feels the love again and we speak normal for 2 weeks not officially together yet but making moves she evens sends me a detailed email telling me how impressed she is and it will help us going forward . I push to hard the next day of this email and upset her all over again. That weekend before Christmas 2017 she goes totally cold towards me and destroys me in a phone call and tells me I am obsessed with her etc. she drops me a further bombshell the week of Christmas by telling me she is going to meet her ex for breakfast and I need to be mature about it . I decide then and there I am done with this and I cut off all contact with her . No calls or texts and emails . So about 2 weeks go by and she sends me a text ‘hey you have just crossed my mind hope you are well' I respond 5 hours later with ‘I am well . Hope you well,take care' the next week she sends me a pointless text to which I just respond with thank you and this week she sends me a long detailed apology email informing me that she is sorry for pain she had caused me and I am truly a great guy and she doesn't understand why she had so much built up anger toward me and till this day she can't seem to know why she got so upset with me and she doesn't deserve me etc . I responded with a simple thanks for the apology and she said she does not know why she took so long to apologize something just held her back . I don't hate her at all it not in my nature to hold grudges but this girl ruined my holidays and told me really hurtful stuff while she was out having a blast . And now suddenly she feels apologetic. Please advise … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous
Whenever I'm talking to a girl, I get incredibly jealous when they mention or are with hanging other guys. (I'm a 20 year old guy) I don't know why though, I don't like getting jealous but I can't hel… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why
If he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, why doesnt he leave instead of giving me false hope?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is
My boyfriend has depression, sleeps most of the time, is awake when I'm not with him, doesn't want to sleep in the same bed because he wants to stretch out, be alone, and most recently tells me that I… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
If you are there I would like to describe the situation,
Jen, if you are there I would like to describe the situation, which I asked you about yesterday, in more detail as I would value your opinion.… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
second opinion] Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting
Before I was officially dating my boyfriend I was flirting with another guy while I was talking to my current boyfriend. I never told him and tried to hide it. Now he knows and is questioning my trust… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little
Is my gf avoidant attachment type or secure... or a little of each? Im an insecure anxious attachment type for sure.... i always need reassurance and stuff from my gf... my gf in the beginning was alr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at
We are not dating but I've known him for 15 years, we met at work I thought he was good looking we hit it off as friends. He had me staying over his place a lot, then I found out he was gay/bi I start… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My question is about a possible beginning to a relationship.
Hello this is Brian, my question is about a possible beginning to a relationship … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex
Is it normal for your boyfriend to constantly have his ex girlfriend come over to visit even though you tell him to it really bothers you… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have
My girlfriend of 10 years suddenly broke up. I have chirldren with a previous partner and we still keep the family house and gather. But my family has not accepted my new partner 'although she is ever… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from unhappy 30+year
Boyfriend of 1 year newly divorced from long unhappy 30+year marriage told me he keeps thinking bout old girlfriend and how he has always wondered about her and how/where she is. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated
Hi. A few weeks ago I received a message from a guy that I dated very casually before he moved about 1 ½ years ago to California from Ohio & since then we really didn't stay in touch. So I was a bit s… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a
My wife goes to a high-end restaurant bar / restaurant on a Sunday for brunch, She start 3 hours and gets rather trashed with her alcoholic Mother of which we do not like each other. Keep in mind that… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
Not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok,
not sure how to move on from this if he cant trust me. Ok, My boyfriend and I and my two teenage daughters live together. I gave him the consent to record my daughter because we were trying to catch h… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x