Have Relationship Questions? Ask a Counselor for Answers ASAP
Hi and thanks for writing JA
I think your question is: is there a chance of us going forward with our relationship if we get counseling and of course there is. Having said that, you say your wife only saw a counselor for herself last week? I know you are very anxious and worried but since your wife only saw a professional counselor one week ago, you have lots of time to go before you know what the outcome might be.
I know you must be so hurting on this but if your wife has only had one single therapy session there is no way to tell what is going to happen in the future.
The other thing, of course, is that all long term relationships change with time. All of us experience ebbs and flows in long term relationships that take some work on both parts. You have not mentioned major issues such as sexual or financial problems or abuse. I have to believe that you have every reason to be hopeful on this but after one week? No reason to panic just yet. Its so early in the therapy stage to begin worrying. Six months yes, one week no.
Let me know what else is on your mind so I can help you to feel better about this?
No, everything is fine sexually, financially and there have been no issues with abuse. However, for the past several months my wife has taXXXXX XXXXXttle verbal 'shots' at me. About a month ago I broke down and cried my eyes out to her as she was not providing the support that I need to get through/copy with my illness. Last night I said to her that we have been getting along fine and her reply was "as friends, yes". Another example that I can provide is in the spring I framed a special picture of her performing live in a music band and her response was lukewarm to say the least. Someone she works with even gave her heck for the response. This woman used to adore me. Keep in mind I had to push her to attend the therapy with her doctor and she doesn't meet with the therapist again until early December. Could this be some sort of middle aged crisis? Your thoughts please.
Yes of course it could be, but its impossible to say without knowing her and seeing her for a face to face evaluation.
This about face on her part is disturbing and there is no way any of us from here can diagnose her or say what might be happening, but I will tell you this.......the more upset and disturbed you are by her changes in behavior the worse it will be for you. I think the more that you react to her the worse it will be.
I want to be very very clear with you on this so the first thing I would say is yes, I completely understand why you are so worried. That said the last thing I would do is let her know how distraught you are by her behavior. I say this especially if she has suddenly felt herself "trapped" in her marriage to you. If you behave as if you are very distraught you will come across as needy and dependent, so the reason I am advising as I am, is that if in the event she is feeling trapped (for reasons at this juncture we cannot know) I want you to have some leverage later on and to do that, you must seem concerned but not overly so.
Does this make sense to you>
The other thing of course is that it is going to take her weeks if not months in counseling to figure this out so early expectations of a resolution on this will only disappoint you. Can you arrange to also see your own therapist during this time? I would want you to have sometime to talk to, to express your fears and frustrations to who is caring and compassionate toward you>
Is this possible?
Let me know.
Brad, do you think this is something you can do? or are there other circumstances that might prevent this?
let me know.