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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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hello angela and thank you for your answer as it was very informative.

Resolved Question:

hello angela and thank you for your answer as it was very informative. im sorry if this is the fourth or fifth time your receiving this email but they dont seem to be sending. as far as my situation there where a few things i forgot to mention. When i spoke to my ex recently she admitted to me that she lied about losing her virginity to me when it was really her ex who she is back with now. she also told me sorry for everything she put me through as she now knows what it feels like because her and her current boyfriend have been having problems for months. Also when we were breaking up we went through this same thing where one minute she loved me and needed me and the next she would cut off all communication for weeks. after a really terrible vacation together i decided to call it quits for my own good. I guess my question is should I even trust her after lying over something so stupid? and is she telling me about lying and that she is sorry because she wants closure so she can move on from me or so that we can patch things up for the future? also how should i handle the current situation with her? i told her we should be friends so should i just never mention anything about us other than friends?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 6 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

To answer your question, I think you should trust her only if she earns your trust back. She can earn your trust back by doing the platonic things that you both discuss and agree to which will cause you to feel that you can trust her again. Also, (-I don't know if I already recommended this to you due to not being able to see any history of questions I've answered for you, but just in case I didn't recommend this to you:)

I think that you both could work on the trust issue you have which has been created by her behavior, together with the aide of a self help book. If you purchase a self help book(s), it is important to designate a time to do this work on a regular basis when the two of you will not be disturbed along with keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and reactions to what you read and discuss. Both of you should agree on how much time you want to spend together working solely on this and agree to how often you want to work on it, for example: once a week for 30 minutes, twice a week for 30 minute, etc. Be sure to keep the amount of time designated for this at a comfortable level for both of you so that neither of you dread doing this. The above is a healthy process that can strengthen your platonic relationship. A book for you to consider can be found below:

Book 1.
It is possible that she is telling you about her lying and apologizing to you for both reasons: to get closure as well as to smooth things over should the two of you become involved in a relationship in the future- but there's no way for me to know for sure. As far as the current situation that you have shared with me, I think it is best for you to keep your relationship with her strictly platonic for your own mental and emotional well being, especially since she is back with her ex and is not 100% available to you. If she should break up with her ex, then you could take it from there, but for now you are better off keeping things strictly platonic with her from this point forward.

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