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Ask Kristin Your Own Question
Kristin, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Psychotherapist and Relationships Expert with 11+ years exp. Dating, Relationships, Marriage.
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Im really torn between the two girls right now. One is my

Resolved Question:

I'm really torn between the two girls right now. One is my girlfriend, we've been living together for a year and we have good times together but for the pass month she's been stress at work and I've been working late. We have a different schedule. I have two jobs and she's working from 9 to 5. It wasn't a big problem until she was stress with work and had to take work home. So, we hardly talk or spend time together. Then I met this girl on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. At first we are just playing around but somehow I can' stop thinking about her. She doens't know that I'm living with someone though but I'm thinking about this other girl all the time and she is thinking about me too. Then we decided to meet in person and the feeling was really weird. I've never felt this way before. She makes me feel excited and alive again. I feel this weird electric charge running all over my over when I see her. I've never believe in cyber love but now it's different because I think I'm in love with her and she thinks she's in love with me too. While at the same time I still love my girlfriend. We had a great year together and she has such a good heart and so understanding and very clam person. I thought we could get marry one day but it all changed when I met the girl on Facebook. I feel so confused because I don't want to make a wrong decision. I could loose the best thing that ever happened in my life because my girlfriend was the best thing that ever happened to me but she doesn't make me feel like the way that the other girl does. Usually, I would cheated on my past girlfriends from one to another without feeling remorse but this time it's different. I can't hurt my girlfriend. I haven't slept with the other girl yet because this time it's different. I wanted to do the right thing.

I've asked all my friends about what I should do and they said that I'm stupid but it's a feeling that I've never felt before. I should follow my heart right? What should I do? I don't want to hurt my girlfriend or cheated on her because she doesn't deserve it. I even told my girlfriend about it two days ago. A day after I met the girl from facebook and instead of her getting mad she was really understanding. She said that she's happy for me even though it wasn't her. We cried together but she was willing to listen to me. I know I hurt her big time because I heard her crying all night for two days straight. She didn't asked me to stay with her at all. We are still living together until she gets a new place. It's been 3 days and I still love my girlfriend. I've never thought I can find someone so understanding. She even asked me about the girl without getting mad. She said that it's making her getting over me faster if she make peace with the situation. Of all this, she still doesn't make me feel like the girl on facebook though. I'm completely confused!!!!! do I know if I make the right decision?? and what is the right decision?? Am I lusting over this facebook girl? I don't know what lust feels like..i've never felt like this before!!!!!!!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.


How long have you known the facebook girl and also how old are you and this other girl?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm 35 years old and she's 35 years old. We known each other for a couple of months on facebook. She was a friend of my ex-girlfriend and she requested me to be her friend, but we didn't start to hit it off until two weeks ago.
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Okay and have you and this other girl talked about your feelings for one another or acknowledged that there is an attraction, etc. Are you currently in contact with her and do you have plans to see her. Also how was your relationship before this happened, with your girlfriend? It sounds like it was a happy one...


And what is your longest relationship been to date?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
The facebook girl and I do talked about our feeling together and she thinks she's in love with me too. It just happen so fast. She never felt this way too. I haven't seen the facebook girl since last Thursday but I'm hoping to see here again this Saturday or Sunday. My relationship with my girlfriend before this was great. She's awesome but just lately we've been kind of distance to each other. I'm working late and get home by 10pm and she's in bed sleeping. Then in the morning we see each other for 5 minutes before goes off to work. We get to spend time together on the weekend. I have to be honest our relationship before this was a happy one. But we hit the rough spot a month ago when she is working too much and stressing all the time. We didn't fight but just starting to get distance between each other. Then the facebook girl came and I felt like i'm in love again.

My longest relationship was for three years but we never live together and I would see her
3-4 times a week. I've lived with a girlfriend before but not like this. I've cheated on most of them all the time but this time I can't do it to my girlfriend. I'm too old to be running around like a young boy. I just want to be honest for once and I want to make a right decision.
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

One thing that stands out to me here is that you admit to cheating on all of the others before this. You haven't physically cheated on your current girlfriend, but you have started another relationship while with her, in a sense. So, I do encourage you to really look at this pattern you have of going from woman to woman, and having trouble being loyal and committed. Another thing to remember is that a relationship of one year where you are living together, etc. is NOT going to feel as electric and exciting as someone brand new. Admittedly you do have a spark with the facebook girl, but at this point, that is based on lust or "infatuation" as you simply have not known her long enough to have it evolve into love. That being said, you could start to build a relationship with facebook girl and have it be the one that endures for you. I do need to caution you that as fb girl does not know you are living with a girlfriend, that you would be starting this new relationship with her, already without being honest with her. You have a lot to consider here. However you have already told your current girlfriend... so that is out in the open.

If the relationship with your girlfriend whom you say you love is great and you two are together, why throw that away?

Kristin and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.
Did you have any more questions about this for me? If so, please ask. Otherwise click on the ACCEPT button so I'm credited for my help today. Thank you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
because i feel like..this Facebook girl might be the one for i wrong?
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hi again,


No you are not "wrong" in feeling that way. And you are technically "single" meaning not married and certainly at any time can pursue whomever you would like. It is good that you didn't cheat and instead told your girlfriend the truth. It seems really the only way that you will know as noone can give you any guarantees is to do what is already in motion. It seems your gf is moving out and you will pursue a relationship with this new girl. I would go ahead though and let the new girl know (now) that you were involved with someone and that is ending. You don't want her to find out from someone else. And then see where things go with the new girl. But you will have to make a choice her and that is what is painful and also scary. Please click ACCEPT.... Thank you!

Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.
I would really appreciate if you would click ACCEPT as I have helped you with this situation and provided a good deal of guidance. Otherwise I'm not credited for my assistance. Thanks.

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