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I was dating this guy for two years and I absolutely fell in

love with him. Our relationship...
I was dating this guy for two years and I absolutely fell in love with him. Our relationship got really bad and he broke up with me. I was devastated and I never actually got over him. I dated a couple people after him and all I felt was guilty for being with them. I even took the stupid step to have sex with two random other guys and it only made me feel worse. He started dating another guy and even though he seemed to have moved on, i continued to want him and I remained in love with him. It's been a year and half now, almost two in january, and over this past summer we recently started talking again. He is now broken up with his boyfriend and is attending college 100 miles away. We talk occasionally and want to be together, but he doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship so we havn't gotten back together. I find myself being overly pushy with him and getting upset when he doesnt text or call me right away and its making him not want to talk to me. How can i calm myself down and go back to the me he orignally fell in love with before we fell apart?
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Answered in 38 minutes by:
11/2/2010
Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Verified
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I understand your concern and you can calm yourself down and stop being pushy by doing the following:

As you know, emotions are very powerful and if we are not careful they will control us and make us miserable and can push away those who we care about- this is what has been happening with you. Additionally, the changes you have been experiencing are not uncommon for some people who are really attracted to someone else, therefore, don't beat yourself up in any way because you are only human and you now realize that you need to get control of your emotions. One thing you can do to get control of your emotions, is to decide how long you will allow yourself to think about him in each day and then stick to this. For example, it's okay that he comes to your mind on and off throughout the day, however, do not allow him to linger on your mind because it will cause you to overly text him, call him, etc. Instead you could send him a brief text occasionally that reads "I'm just thinking about you" and then change your thoughts to something else that brings you peace and serenity. For example, you could meditate for a couple of minutes on something that makes you feel calm and at peace and then go on doing what you need to do by focusing 100% on it. Repeat the above process of shifting and changing your thoughts for each time that he comes to your mind- practicing doing this along with using a self help book will typically enable you to have better control of your emotions and to also have greater peace. If you purchase a self help book(s), it is important to designate a time to do this work on a regular basis when you will not be disturbed along with keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and reactions to what you read. You should decide how much time you want to spend working solely on controlling your emotions in the manner I have described above along with how often you want to work on this area, for example: once a week for 30 minutes, twice a week for 30 minutes, etc. Be sure to keep the amount of time designated for this at a comfortable level for you so that you do not dread doing this. The above is a healthy process that can strengthen your relationship with him by enabling you to better control your emotions and your interactions with him (-and enabling you to go back to your calm and cool nature). A few books for you to consider can be found below:
Book 1
Book 2
Book 3
Angela
Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience: n/a
Verified
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Category: Relationship
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