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MY fiance left me for almost the 12th time. he was uppose to…

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MY fiance left me for...

MY fiance left me for almost the 12th time. he was uppose to be divorced yesterday and left me... i am having a breakdown all i do is cry... he just signed a new lease for us and he left me here with no furniture at all. i have taken him back all the time. when he comes back crying please help me i dont know what to do.

thanks
D.

Submitted: 12 years ago.Category: Relationship

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Answered in 36 minutes by:

10/17/2010

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

Cathy, Counselor

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 1,436

Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice

Verified

Cathy :

Hi Dawn are you there?

Hi Dawn and I am sorry we were not able to connect in Chat.

I read your post and it is so sad to read. I am just so sorry. Write me back and give me all the details of the whole relationship or at least as much as you can tolerate writing about and lets see what we can do to get you feeling better.

Dawn this is such a sad story.

Write back.

Warm regards,

Cathy

Customer reply replied 12 years ago

Dear cathy,

I did not see a chat from you... i met my fiance almost 2 years ago.. he was in a loveless sexless marriage for 8 years. after they conceived their second baby they had no sexualrelations for 8 years.. unheard of to me.. but we met and fell in love. however yesterday was suppose to be the divorce and he left me by text. not even a call. this is a pattern with him. like i mentioned he has gone back and forth for the kids and leaves me by a text message. then after a week of realising he cant be there just for the kids he comes crying back, and stupid me takes him back.. i do love him but i am really having a nervous breakdown. it is the way he leaves me that makes me sick.. he wont call he just texts. he blames me for everything. i know that is his own guilt. he says he cant afford her mortgage and our rent. i am out of work right now so that is his weapon. I need advise on this whole story.. and he just signed a new lease on thursday for us and left me here with no furniture. I dont know where to turn. what would be your advise on if he tries to come back? and on my condition? i feel dead and all i do is cry.

Thanks Cathy,

Dawn

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

Hey Dawn,

I think you know what my advice to you is if he comes back.

Twelve times is eleven too many times here Dawn. This guy and yes I know you love him a lot is not good for you and this is never going to work out. I am confident of this. I guarantee this. I am sure he is a good enough guy but he is not a stable guy and he is connected to his previous family and you have to put your foot down and not take him back no matter what.

And yes, I know you hurt like mad.

I know. I know.

Okay first things first.

You are going to be fine but we have to figure out a way to get you safe and right now is not such a safe time for you.

Do you have family nearby?

Friends nearby?

Help me to help you get through this. okay let me know.

Cathy

Customer reply replied 12 years ago

Yes i have family here and they think he is crazy. my friends dont want to hear it anymore.. cant blame them. I am beyond hurt Cathy..I know for a fact he doesnt love her or sleep with her,however he is a good dad and somehow she has him brainwashed that the kids wont be ok unless he is in the house. my question to you is.. how many times have you heard this? and you know as well as i do that if the marriage isnt a marriage then no human being can stay just for the kids. I am blown away how he begged me to move in this new place with him and i did and he is gone again and i literally have no furniture. because of my love for him, in which may i say is turning to hate,when he does call me crying and sayd Dawn i love you with all my heart and cant be without you i take him back... I dont know what happened to the Dawn i used to be who wouldnt take this in a million years.. but i am now. he has shot me down so much. I dont feel good anymore, I havent had my hair done in about a year. Im so lost, so down. so weak... and really believe i am having a nervous breakdown for real..

Dawn

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

Dawn, I am sorry to tell you that I have been in practice for now over 30 years so I have heard this story a lot.

More than a hundred times and it might be even more than that, but you are not the first person to be where you are not tonight and you will not be the last person.

The only important thing right now is you. Nothing else matters but you and your well being. I know you hurt beyond imagination but I also know that you can feel better and even look back on this as good fortune. I know this because I have seen dozens of others do this.

I think you need some therapy to help you to understand this relationship and why you keep taking him back and why this has all gone on. I think that can come in a bit, but for now its important that you are okay right now.

If you feel you are going to do something silly I want you to sign off with me and call for help. You can call your family or your friends or even 911 but if you think you might do something to harm yourself you must get help right away.

Next,

You need a place to stay Dawn. If you can camp with friends or family tonight do that. Take a nice warm bath and sleep in a good bed and even if you cry yourself to sleep do just that. Its okay.

Can you call someone near you and do this? It will help you a lot.

Let me know?

Cathy

Customer reply replied 12 years ago

I am here in the empty place i have my mattress only...... why does he blame me for everything? all i ever did was love him uncondionially...what do i do when he tries to come back? this is the hardrst part for me... and Cathy how does a man break up with a woman by text message? im probably talking in riddles but im trying to understand all of this childish behavior... we are both 46 yrs old.. so i dont understand why he feels that texting me is normal.. or is it because he is a coward?

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

Texting is not normal for forty somethings.

We (aged forty and over) grew up before texting. I am signing off for the night as I live in EST. If you wish to discuss this further I will be backonline tomorrow. If you think you are in trouble call for help please.

Opting out so others may weigh in if need be.

I know tonight will be tough for you but do try to sleep.

Best wishes,

Cathy

Edited by Cathy on 10/17/2010 at 3:28 AM EST

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

Hey Dawn, just checking on you. How did you do today?

Cathy

Edited by Cathy on 10/17/2010 at 10:31 PM EST

Customer reply replied 12 years ago

I am ok but still very sad depressed and crying... dont know what to do if he calls me.. i honestly dont.. any advise ?????

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 12 years ago

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