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Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I have been married to my husband for13 years. My daughter

Customer Question

I have been married to my husband for13 years. My daughter (38) and her husband (40) have been married 16 years. About 11 years ago, my husband and I went to visit the kids in Seattle. We had visited them before and things went fine. My husband was sitting outside on the patio and the rest of us were in the house. My daughter asked him to come in and he said he was going to stay outside. He says she then called him a girl. When he said, What?" she repeated,"you're a girl." He says he said. You're rude and she mocked him repeating you're rude, you're rude. He was pretty upset and didn't take it as a joke or think it was funny. I wasn't there and this didn't seem like her at all. After he told me what happened and had a talk with my duaghter and toldher that sometimes things that seem funny to younger people are not funny to older people. She seemed to understand and she and my husband went out to see her garden and I thought everything was OK, but according to him she never apologized. Several years later they came to visit us with my 2 year old grandaughter. Shepulled the blinds off the window and my son-in-law came in matter of factly to let us knwo but didn't try to fix them. He was later chasing my granddaughter through the house and threw open the front door and knoced a hole in the wall. (Brand new house.) He came in and asked my husband what he was going to do about the hole in the wall. (Also not funny.) He wasn't laughing when he asked. The whole time they were there my husband was irrittated and felt he was being displaced. He said the TV was on the disney channel in every room.

My husband is not a kid person. He was divorced when his kids were little and didn't really raise them, juts saw them weekend off and on.

Now, all this was at last six years ago and he will never forget any of it. He has only been back to their house twice and does not want to go there or have them visit us.

I have not said anything else to my daughter but she would like to get together at Christmas. They have been to the house wiht bot kids and I thought it went OK last time, but my husband is adamant that he doesn't want them at the house and my daughter is wondering what's going on. I have not said anything to her since Seattle. I would love to have them come, but I also love my husband. We were supposed to go on vacation wiht them this year (my husband's idea to see them away from the house), but he became very ill and we hd to cancel.

I am torn. Do I have a heart to heart with my daughter? She has asked my other daughter what's up and is it because my husband is not her real dad. HELP!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 7 years ago.

Hi pj and thanks for writing JA


I am sorry we were not able to connect on JA yesterday when I tried to contact you there, and I did watch your question all day in hopes another expert might be able to respond to you sooner.


You know, given SOLELY WHAT YOU HAVE POSTED HERE and nothing more I cant help but side with your husband on this. I am sure you have more background information on this and its probably too much to share online in a forum like this, but based solely on what you have posted?


I do think your daughter still owes your husband an apology and then I think once he gets that apology he needs to shake off his anger and work with you to coordinate family events. If he does not do that, he is using your daughters long ago behavior as a convenient excuse to behave poorly.

Let me know if you have more background on this so I can best help you?

or if you have more questions?

Warm regards, Cathy