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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Okay so little sister has contacted me saying that I need to

Customer Question

Okay so little sister has contacted me saying that I need to call her and she wants to talk to me again....

My Ex DID messege me on facebook last night that she possibly got accepted to one of the better Medical Schools..... i said thats great!and nothing else

Her sister told me that. "alex you need to call her and be nice...she wants to talk to you but she thinks you dont want to talk to her...she wants to possibly get back with you and talk to you to see if yall can work things out or if you cant and that she misses you a lot and feels like she lost her best friend.....

What do I make of this????
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Jennifer : Hello again! I'm glad she's the
JACUSTOMER-g0wngokw- :

I didnt get anything after im glad shes the...

Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Sorry -- traveling right now and apparently chat mode and iPhones don't play well together.

I'm glad she's the one who reached out to you first. I think it's fine to send her an e-mail, text, or call to say "Congrats on med school!" and see where the conversation goes from there. You're certainly not begging her to come back... You have nothing to lose, right?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
You are fine.....I called her....we talked for three hours....and we came to a conclusion that we just let the relationship go to crap and both did nothing to make each other feel and her former best friend do not get along and she felt like it was better to get rid of them instead of dealing with me.....and we are just going to try to take it slow and see where that goes......any ideas on how to make this go through??
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
I apologize for the delay on this. I'm glad you were able to have a productive conversation with you and came up with a plan for where to go from here. I don't know how successful going slowly will be (it's difficult to back up in a relationship to a previous stage without there being some confusion as to where you stand, what's appropriate, and possible resentment for not feeling the commitment you had before). What I'd suggest instead is that you brainstorm ideas together for how you're going to move forward.

You mentioned you did nothing to make each other feel special. I'm assuming you both want that to change? You might want to explore that further -- what actions would make her feel special? And you? Make sure you're specific with one another with examples (things you've both done and things you're hoping might happen in the future) so you're both very clear on what that means to both of you.

Given the history of dramatic breaks, I'd suggest you have a rule to "take 5" whenever things get heated. When either of you feel like bailing or just feel that tempers are getting out of control, agree to take 5. Depending on the severity of the situation / argument, this could mean 5 minutes or it could mean 5 hours! Just be sure to agree upon when you'll return to the discussion. Agree to use that time to think things through, do what you need to do to calm down and know that you'll both return with the ability to talk about the issues with a clear head.

For the first month or so, focus on making each other happy and doing things you enjoy doing together. Try to reconnect on what it is that made you fall in love in the first place. You could even kick this off with a weekend away or romantic dinner out. Instead of trying to go in reverse, think of it as a fresh start. You're already in love, so the early, sporadic dating stage would just be frustrating for both of you! Enjoy being together and try to spin this into a positive, healthy relationship by focusing on both of your needs and remembering why you love each other.