Thank you for filling in the details. There are so many red flags in what you wrote I can hardly count them.
I have seen relationships where people bond over mutual wounds, and have to tell you that it rarely works out for the best. It distresses me to think of the way you are being treated sexually by this man. This is not in your best interests. Do you feel loved and respected after having sex with him? Even "only a minute" of non-consensual sex ...especially when you are telling him it hurt is unacceptable. (There is no such thing as "can't" stop
--that was a choice
His having been molested by both sexes does not bode well for him being able to evolve into a healthy sexual partner. He needs therapy. Those kind of early experiences cast a long shadow over a person's life. He is still keeping a promise to his female molester--this is very significant.
He forces your head down, comes at you in a way that he can't even see your face, hates to kiss, forced you to perform an act against your will. If your best and dearest friend came to you and told you this story was happening to her --what would you tell her?
You are accepting unacceptable behavior and making excuses for him--he couldn't stop, he will concede a bit. I know he may seem better than those in the past, but is it good enough? What is his sexual behavior doing to your self-esteem? You might want to do some reading on co-dependency. This is a trait of making other people's needs more important than our own. It is often a reaction to a chaotic, violent, or alcoholic childhood in which the child learns to do whatever it takes to keep the peace. The classic book on this is Melody Beattie's
I know I have changed the focus to you instead of figuring out what is going on with him. That's because this situation will not change until you change. Nothing you can do or say will make him change--the issues are too deep. And the only person we have control over is ourself.
I think it is time for some introspection about what you really want in a relationship--how you want to feel when you're with someone. And decide that you won't settle for less.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it is what I would say to a client or friend that I cared about.