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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My ex left me in July for our cleaner - she hasseled him for

Customer Question

My ex left me in July for our cleaner - she hasseled him for weeks until he finally moved out. He has moved vitually to the end of my road, a couple of minutes walk, I am feeling trapped & harrassed by her as she has to drive past my house to see him I have asked him to keep her away but now she is hiding her car & he is picking her up. How can I stop her coming to my home town? She doesn't live here & won't move in with him, but her presence makes me have to hide away in my house this is really upsetting me. I am still very close with my ex & do not want to lose that I just want her stopped from coming near my home
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for writing to Just Answer.

It must be incredibly hurtful to have to know that the woman who broke up your relationship is with your ex so close to your home. I can understand how you would want to avoid any contact with or sight of her.

That said, unless she is specifically targeting you by stalking you there is nothing you can legally do to get her banished from your home town.

You mention you are still close with your ex. I think this is where your energies have to go. Explain to him that it hurts a lot to know they are together just down the street, and ask if he could possibly move to another town, or at least another section of your town so you don't have to see them driving together.

If you phrase this as something that hurts you, rather than as hatred for the woman (although justified to some extent) you will have a better chance of success when you talk to him.

But of course, you can't make him move, and he may have signed a lease that would make a move impossible.

You may want to think about not being close with your ex for awhile until the pain of this situation starts to fade. Being in contact with a man who left you just keeps the wound open. I'm not saying you can never be friends, but it may be good to take a break for awhile so you can focus more on your life and what you need to move on from this situation.

The only other way to deal with this situation is to start building a new life for yourself that keeps you so busy and happy that you don't have time to notice who is driving past your house. Look into volunteering, taking classes, dating or some other way of enriching your life.

"Living well is the best revenge."

And remember, a man who leaves a relationship because someone "hassles him" is very likely not a man you could ever have had a secure future with. You may be better off looking for someone with a stronger character. And you can also comfort yourself with the thought that she will never be able to trust him because their relationship started with cheating, and since she knows he was capable of cheating with her, she will always have to wonder if he is cheating on her.

I wish you all the best in building a new life that keeps you happy and too busy to think about them,