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my girl is pushing me away!! we will go out, but she will be

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cold! and distant, she says...
my girl is pushing me away!! we will go out, but she will be cold! and distant, she says she cares for me but i feel her going away! she says she is confuse!
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Relationship
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Answered in 14 hours by:
9/11/2010
Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago
Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Verified

Hi and thanks for writing JA

 

First, can you formulate a question for us?

 

Secondly, please provide background information so we have some idea what is happening with you?

Thanks,

Cathy

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago

my ? is: what should i do with my relationship!? my girlfriend is confused, she says is not confused about us! but that she has problems at home with the family! and that ,eventually afects her actitude towards everyone else!! i love her and i want to help her, but i need a proffetional to help me! she is in a lot of pain! and i suffer from it to! she doesnt know how to work with stress and worries to much about little things.

we know each other for a good 8 months she is 22 and im 33, she is ok with it and of course im ok with it! she has a 2 year old kid! im ok with it, i care for him as well, and that one of the thing that make me sad! she will be distant to me and even to him! please give me a good advise on how to help her with out hurting me! she is my everything!

Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago

Hi, I am sorry to hear that she is confused but she is awfully young as well and most people her age are confused about The other thing is that your relationship is so young, eight months is such a new relationship.

 

I guess my question would be what your expectations are for her. You do not go into detail about what her problems are at home but surely that could influence your relationship a good deal.

 

Not many 22 year olds either male or female have learned to deal with stress and it sounds like on top of this she is a young mom as well. Can you tell me what you expect of her? It sounds as if you are expecting her to behave as would a woman much older but it is not entirely clear tome.

Let me know a little more detail and I will try to help as best I can.

Warm regards,

Cathy

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago
cathy: thanks,: my girl problems are her two sisters, thay are always making coments about how her new life as a single mom is! one of the sister is older and the other one younger, but they have team up toguether to make her fell miserable, the old one is jealous of her been beatiful, and having the firt baby in the family, and the young one, i think just pairs with the old one cause of the stuff this sister buy her. In the other hand, i think your right, i expect from her to behave and work with her problems as an adult woman wich she is not! but that is the reason im looking for help, i belive i could be a better boyfriend, and help her with at least some advise, and to make sure i dont become another problem for her!!
Counselor: Cathy, Counselor replied 7 years ago

Hi thanks so much for being just so patient.

 

You know I really do admire you and your wishes for your girlfriend and I totally do get where you are coming from but even if and I say this very very carefully and candidly even if her sisters were physically beating her daily she should not be behaving as she is.

Its so clear that you love this girl so much that you are making excuses for her. You are so loving of her. but no.

Your girl is confused because she is confused. She is cold and distant because she is confused and she is making poor choices and she is using her sisters poor behavior as an excuse or you are using her sisters poor behaviors as an excuse because you love her as you do.

Heres the thing when families rally against a partner it draws the two together not apart. Its a universal, it never varies and I know about this very well because it is exactly what I do in my practice and I have been doing it for over thirty years.

The expert answer to you is: let this one go and find yourself a woman, a grown up woman and not a childish girl who is going to treat you so much better and reciprocate your wonderful feelings.

The answer you just wish to hear is: Keep feeling sorry for her and her problems with her sister until she finds someone else and dumps you.

You deserve better> I do not buy her claim that she is so absorbed by her sisters jealous and extremely poor behaviors that she is turning away from you

AND EVEN IF THAT WERE TRUE

you do not need to marry or become further involved in a family where people treat each other this way? How ridiculous is this?

Leave her. Move on. Find someone who appreciates you.
Men like you who are sensitive and caring are rare. very rare indeed.

Move on.

I know. I know its not the answer you wanted to hear but I am an expert and I wanted to give you the expert answer even if you did not like it and would not pay. I am an expert and I am telling you the truth.

Having said this.

You take good care of you. You are one decent and caring guy.

warm regards,

Cathy

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1,436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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