I am more than happy to assist you and thank you that you will accept my previous answer.
Just as a side note: I have some customers who repeatedly
come back to me with new questions even though they never accepted my previous answers- this is why I posted my response to you in the manner that I did because of those types of customers.
To answer your questions from this post:
I am very sorry to hear about this and my concerns are as follows: 1. what her father is doing to her is killing her self-esteem and confidence which will carry over into her adulthood (-if this pattern is not changed) and could possibly cause her to be in a relationship with a controlling significant other who could abuse her (-mentally, emotionally, etc.). 2. her father is also being very manipulative in how he approaches the dance instructors, directors, etc. so that they give in to him and my concern is for your daughter not to get the message from him that it is okay to manipulate people to get your way. As a result, the possible answers that I think would be the best for your daughter and you are as follows: 1. begin to work with your daughter as you have time during her visits with you on building her self-esteem and confidence and also have her keep a journal to write down her thoughts in it as she works on building her self esteem and confidence. The best ways to do this are: therapy- if financially feasible, but for most people therapy is not financially feasible, therefore, my next alternative is to use a self help book to help her build her self esteem and confidence. I suggest that you have her keep her self help book and journal in a safe place whether it is at your house or her father's house as long as it is kept safe and private. Then when she visits with you make a point to check in with her on a weekly basis in private with her to ensure that she is actually reading the book and writing down her thoughts and reactions to what she reads. Also, be sure to ask her to write down any incidents involving anyone (-father, friends, etc.) that she wanted to express her thoughts and feelings to but she did not do so and to write down why she did not do so in order for her to learn from this incident and change her behavior in the future. During the time when you check in with her, ask her would she like to share anything with you from her self help book, journal, or if she has any questions for you. Be sure to explain to her why you would like her to do the above so that she understands that it is because you love her and want her to be able to express her thoughts and feelings in a confident manner because she is a beautiful young lady more than capable of doing this. The reason I suggest doing all of the above in addition to my other concerns I began the post with is also because as she gets more confident by building her self esteem she will begin to express her thoughts and feelings to her father (-and not only to him but to others who she would normally not do so with). This is a process that takes sometime to do, but with you checking in with her on a weekly basis in the manner I described she should progress nicely. Since your ex does not listen to your concerns about his behavior then your daughter is the next best line of defense for him and hopefully he will eventually begin to change his behavior as she speaks up to him in a respectful manner even if he chooses not to change his behavior at least she will be speaking her mind to him in a respectful manner which is priceless
. Some books you could consider are: Book 1. Book2
Also, I understand how you are at your wits end with this situation (-understandably so), I suggest if possible, because you are only human, to try and schedule only one extracurricular activity that you can commit to instead of several since your ex clearly is not helping out. You could talk to her about this and explain to her that unfortunately you will have to ask her to choose one extracurricular activity for when she is with you because you cannot control what happens when she is not with you. For example, maybe she could choose the one extracurricular activity she likes the most to do when she is with you.