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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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Hi Dr. Keane, well got my answer today when I ask him to help

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Hi Dr. Keane, well got my answer today when I ask him to help me with $300 do which really only help a little Said he was not going to help me out because he did not want a girlfriend who will ask him for money every month. Said I should gom get a second job,in an office parttime,or waitress, until I pick up in the hair buisness. He is just worried I will be asking for help every month and that he can not do it. I told him that if I had some kind of help financialy after moving away then back to put some ads in the local paper, it will help get me busy which will help me save that 5000 to get back his town and have a relationship. He said he is going to see what I do while I am back at my town. He has no clue Dr. Deane my capabilities yet. I am a worker and I love what I do. I just have lost clients in the last year because I loose myself on men sometimes. I moved away just to have a relationship with Brian, Rented my house, brought most of my furniture, all the money I had in savings and moved into a very high end apartment he picked out. He did pay first, last, and security and with in a week I hope to get the 1000 $ deposit he put up which will help some. What happened yesterday was my renter was short 400 on her rent which hurt me once again. I worked today and tried to pay my friend(notBrian)back the 300. I could only give him 150.00. Brian feels that if the renter would have paid her full rent we would not be having this conversation. I just feel that he is not going to help me because he asid he never had to help any woman like this cause they had a job there own apt. ect... I said to him if you would have met me at my hometown you could of seen I had a house, ajob as a hairstylist for the past 21 years, some savings and a newer car that I am leasing. I repeat this to him over and over and he still said no help.
Hi, so what does that say to you about his intentions, his desire to have you back? You do need to rethink this relationship.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

What would be the perfect thing I can say to him so I can get the help I need, He just feels all I do is ask him for help all the time. I have a commission based job and looking for a more fulltime position. I have resumes out and I just this morning recieved a reply from a salon in his town and they will be calling me for an interview. They said the salon will be opening in November.Yesterday he was telling me that he had called his other siblings about needing to get out of his fathers wrath, That he wanted his own apartment. I do not believe he will be working anymore. He retired from restuarants that he owned and worked for. I believe everything will be paid for by his fathers estate. What about me? Do I continue to work this fulltime job, if I move in with this retired boyfriend? How do you know when a man really loves you? How could I not be upset with him about not helping me right now? He said yesterday he has never had a woman in his life that Dr. Keane I live very much within my means. I just have not gottten a lucky break and believe everyday I look for work and study the wanted ads. I have interviewed so far since I am back to my townbut same situations every where I go. I am told call me in season and I will see if I can use you here. All these jobs are commisson only. They do not pay hourly or salary. That is the salon buisness. I want you to know Brian did spend close to 10,000 in the 4 months he has known me. That is what he keeps harping on. That money includes a couch, dining table, and coffee table he purchased which I now own and storing in a self storage. I am trying everyday to get work.

There is nothing more you can say without begging and he is very clear on what you are asking for.He is doing what he feels he needs to do, I still would think this over very carefully. Love doesn't have a price tag. You would be best served by working on you, getting your life in order, not trying to figure out where he fits in, right now he doesn't.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
We are talking and keeping money out of the conversation, I am just going to quit talking to him hoping he would say o.k. I am not bothering with that anymore. I believe that he will be a wonderful provider and live in companion when that times comes. Tonight he mentioned as soon as he can leave his father to another caretaker Me and him will be living together happpily ever after. I believe him. We are very compatible and I will hang in ther i=until he gets out of his caretaking responsibility. He is very worth it. Thanks for all your wonderful responces.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi Dr . Keane, I guess I am definetly seeing a change in this long distance relationship. I read lots about it cause I needed to see what it takes to be in one. I don't know what to do. We speak probably 6 times a day and this week-end I was thinking I would go up to spend a couple of days since I might be interviewing with a prospect as a distributer for a very good hair product. He said to let him know, but also mentioned my bald tires. When I stopped taking his calls,he could not stop calling me , emailing me, ect... As soon as we started back up again it feels like I just can not get secure about his real feelings for me. I feel there is something not right ,and since I am so unsure of my continued mistakes in relationships I am not sure how to really find out what he is really thinking. Do I flat out ask him? He said the other day that as soon as he gets out of his caretaking responsibilities, he will move me back down and we will be together. It will be 18 days since we last seen eachother. I asked him when do you think we will spend a week-end together and his answer was 3 to 4 weeks , I figured you want to settle in and get everything in order. Today he called me at 9:45 a.m. like he usually does to say good morning and we just talk about how we slept ect... The cleaning woman is coming to his fathers to clean today so he is getting sometime to be free for a while which is great for him, but he is also ignoring me this afternoon. I want to call him, but I have asked God what I need to do and it feels like I need him to call me rather than me calling him today. I am feeling sick inside thinking that he might be with someone else or something. I just wish I knew something. I think I will mention that I got to go to his area for the interview and see if he mentions getting a room like he said he would do. He does not stay with me, he goes home form the hotel. I hope you can help me with this since I am feeling so unsure. Thanks, Becky

Hi, trust your gut, if you are not certain about anything and want to know you have every right to ask him. If you feel like he needs to call you then trust what you feel and wait for him. There is something not right, you feel it, you know it. See how he reacts when you tell him about your interview.

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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi Dr. Keane, hmmm my gut is right. I broke down and called him and he said he fell aleep. He said he fell asleep from 11 a.m. to now which is 1:30. Said he took some klonopin cause he wasn't feeling right. I said that I was sorry to hear that. Then I said well I got the interview for Friday. He seemed suprised. Then he asked me about my tires and I said that the friend who lent me 300 dollars said I could wait till I get the deposit back. I said what do you think, I can also make it for next week if I didn't give him enough time to plan this week-end out, and his response was I will let you know honey. I just feel something and if he says next week-end would be better than what? I just am not sure and I could be totally wrong too. If I keep asking him about moving back down and spending our lives together , and insecure remarks like what I said the other day which was~~`" Are you just using me to fill in until you get your own place,"his remark was only you would think something like that. Then last night i said, "Are you sure you can handle this long distance relationship." He turned it around and asked me the same thing. So we both said yes. But honestly what is he doing taking a klonopin right after he wakes up and falls asleep again. I am really starting to feel something here. I guess we will see what happens. Dr, Keane. you have been through this with me for quite sometime. I am trying to believe it is all ment to be and we are good together. what is you opinion? I would also like to pay you something for your answers. You have been very helpful so far.Thanks Becky
HI, you trusted your gut and you got your answer, now the issue is what do you do? Re-read your last post to me, make believe it is someone else writing it and tell me what you think they should do? You like the idea of being in love with this man but there are way too many red flags flying about. He is, he isn't, his father this, his father that, sleeping when he just woke up? why? Time will tell, however, you are in love with the idea of being in love with him and you are smart enough to know it isn't "right". Trust your gut. You are willing to move mountains to get this to work, and all he has to say, is "I'll let you know honey"? deserve better..... You can leave a bonus if you'd like, we receive more of that than when you accept. Thanks...
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Well I just got off the phone with the friend that lent me the money aand he said he can wait. I will get my very needed tires tomorrow. As far as Brian is concerned, after I got of the phone with my friend I realized how upside down, inside out my life is right now, and how Brian has only added to this once again being 250 miles away. I mean if a man that has money tells his so called girlfriend things like what about your bald tires and I am not sending you anything I gave you enough I just feel that is terrible. He knows what I gave up, my house that is rented to somebody now that is not paying on time, My great job, that now my customer base has dwindled to nothing, my bank where I had savings has 0 in it, I have bald tires form driving miles and miles on my lease car to see him and go to work when I commuted. It just hit me. So I called Brian and there he was sitting with his pothead 58 year old buddy that has been selling marijuana for the last 20 something years, at the golf place he goes, and I just said if you are there call me cause I need to let you know what I am feeling. He called me and I just started letting him know that I feel I can not be in a relationship right now. I said I have to get my life in order and that this is not working for me. I was crying cause I needed to let it out. He said, well I am leaving here right now aand I will call you from homeHe also said it seems like you are having one of your moments right now. Dr. Keane, this is it. This is my oppurtunity to get him to see what he has been doing and it did not change a bit even after I left. I blamed alot on his father but now I see he too is very controlling and hurtful. Screw him. His father wrote him a check for 5000 the day I left. He offered me 3000 the night before I was leaving. I asked him for a measly 300.00 . What kind of guy is that.I have not recieved the deposit from the condo either. When I call over there they do not call me back. This is brutal. I am so done with someone like him. He will be a carbon copy of his father, maybe worse. Anyway he will be calling me back soon, so he said. I do not trust him either with that . I mean I was crying hard and he just decided he would hang up and call me back. If this were you, what would you say when he calls back? Or better should I just never answer his calls again?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
This is it. I spoke to him just now and he said he was in shock. I said I did not feel his desires and intentions for wanting me back added up. I said I was climbing moutains for him and he agread. His response after all that was, It is money isn't it, he said let me ask you something when you went back to your town what were you expecting.? Oh my God, that just opened my eyes to what he was thinking. He has issues about this money thing. It is awful. I said to him that I did not expect anything, that if he remembers I was not going to talk to him again. I also said that I could not really explain what I am wanting to tell you right now cause I needed time to think. I said when I am in a relationship I should be feeling happy and excited and this was not what I was feeling. I said that I was sorry but it was best not to call me or contact me for a while cause I really needed time to get myself together. "His reply was oh I get it you are looking for money, if I sent you money this would not be happening," I just let him say whatever and I said goodbye. He said I hope I hear from you soon. I guess there was my answer right Dr. Keane?

Hi, I am sorry you had to hear this from him and at this point you need to focus on you , not him. Your gut was right and you listened. It may save you from making another mistake down the road, especially if he is as controlling as his father. I would suggest that you find a therapist and have a few sessions to help you get through this. You can call your local mental health agency and they will help you find someone to see you at a very reduced rate or even free. I am limited in what I can do for you in this environment. You need to talk to someone face to face. Think about it, it would be more helpful than the back and forth on this site. I hope you find some relief having made this decision, you did the right thing and you knew it all along.

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