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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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ok i have trust issues that im really working on. I began

Resolved Question:

ok i have trust issues that i'm really working on. I began dating this girl who i really cared about alot 8 months ago. after a month or two i left to live overseas for work for 4 months. we agreed that we would not wait for each other but kept in touch and agreed to see each other when we got home. i found out she dated someone and it was fine but they were still friends on facebook and he still tried contacting her on there and putting pictures up of them together. i never brought it up and jus bottled everything in. we fought one day and i exploded, called 100 times and texted because she wasnt answering and I felt so hurt and overwhelmed. I'm bad with phones as it is (with everyone) and one day i tried calling a bunch of times again not even realizing how it would look becuse there was a deadline to pay for a vacation and i wanted to see if she was still coming with me and i would have paid for her. i explained and apologized for the appearance. we began talking again and after another fight on an unrelated issue and caused by a third party, i called a bunch again. this isn't like me and im having trouble finding a way to explain that.i hate feeling that desperate. the overwhelming situation brought this out of me, i'm not disrespectful and i hate that i couldn't handle this better not only for her but for myself. how do i show this was an isolated incident that got out of control by not speaking and not the way i handle every problem?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have shared, it sounds as if you have fallen or are in the process of falling in love with her. When this happens, it is not uncommon for people to act in ways they normally would not behave in due to the powerful emotions experienced from fallen in love. If this is the case you could share your feelings with her if you are comfortable doing that. If you are not ready to do that just yet, you could tell her that you really care about her and that you are going to work on controlling your emotions and on your trust issues so that the two of you don't argue and fight so much. You can do this work with the help of a self help book which will guide you through the process. If you purchase a self help book, it is important to designate time to work on it weekly when you will not be disturbed along with keeping a journal to write your thoughts and reactions in to what you read. The above is a healthy process that takes time to do but it can be done if you commit to it. A few books I recommend can be found by

Book 1.
Book 2.

Book 3.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you so much and I will accept you're answer. I appreciate the honesty and time taken to reply. We did tell each other we loved each other and I do. But in all honesty it was to fast for me. I realy never felt so powerfully for someone. I'm only 23. I acted so out of desperation and I'm just trying tofind a way to convince her that's all it was. I feel so guilty because again it's not like me. Obviously if it was I'd see nothing wrong with it. I thought I was trying to hard so I said I would give her time and wait for her to call. NowI'm willing to wait for her but fear her not coming back. You're right I do care about her alot. I'd respect whatever she decides and I know guys have burned her in the past, I know I deserve some backlash I mean it happened to often but I want her to know there was no hostility just a misunderstanding anda isolated extreme situation.
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
You are more than welcome! I completely understand and I think you should share the above which you have told me with her so that she also knows and better understands your behavior. In general, women are emotional beings, therefore, sharing the truth with her would help her to understand your behavior. Also, if you share with her that you will also be working on controlling your emotions in the manner I previously described, that should also mean something to her and further show her that you are sincere. Emotions are powerful, especially when you care for somebody, but, you can take control of them and work on them so that you don't drive yourself crazy or her crazy and can enjoy life to the fullest.
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