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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Im 66, my boyfriend was 61. He lives out of town, so always

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I'm 66, my boyfriend was 61. He lives out of town, so always came up on Friday night and left Sunday morning. Usually all we did was golf...because that's always what he wanted to do. I like golfing, but not all the time. Seldom did we go out for dinner or movies. I always used to look forward to long weekends, to get away somewhere! After this past weekend, with no plans, I broke off with him. He said he doesn't have money, and you can't do things without money. Anyway, he brought my key over and before he left, his eyes teared up. I not only will miss him, but I feel terrible, because he really loved me.....and I left him go because of money. I've been careful enough with my money over the years that I can afford to "get away" occasionally. I'm wanting to go to the Grand Canyon for a long time, I want to go on a cruise.....and I'm not getting any yonger. He is never going to have money. He owes LOTS on credit cards. I've been worried about him as he gets older. He is planning on working until age 70 and then living on social security. I KNOW that can't happen.
I, on the other hand have savings, pension, and deferred compensation accounts to live on. I don't by any means have LOTS of money, but I have more than him.....and am careful with a point. When we do go out anywhere I pay my half and he pays his half. Plus, when he comes over, oftentimes we eat at home (my place) and I buy the groceries. I do want to go places....and do things.
Did I make a big mistake breaking off with him? He truly loved me if he had tears in his eyes. Things would have been better, but when he is over, he is kind of the "macho" guy. Very good looking---and knows it. Anyway, his mind set tells him that it is okay to let me do all the cooking, etc. on my own. He never helps. I thought he should help out or do it "together". I did tell him....but it doesn't change.
He always called me every morning and every night and told me he loved me.
I'm feeling terrible and am not sure if I made a terrible mistake.
What do you think I should do? Ask him to take me back....or?
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on what you have written, you are not being selfish, you simply know what you want and he has not been able to give you his half of what you want such as being able to pay for his half of a vacation etc. Also, you mentioned the issues about his attitude such as him thinking you should do all the cooking and not helping you etc. Therefore, in light of all of this, I can see why you broke it off with him, however, only you can decide if it was a mistake. Therefore, since you are having second thoughts I suggest the following: think about the issues you need him to compromise on if you both get back together in order for the relationship to work and write them down along with possible suggestions on how he could compromise with you about each issue. For example, he doesn't want to even help you cook. Therefore, you could write down on your list of things that must change in order for you to get back together as a couple: he must help you cook or at least buy the groceries for you to cook. Another example, he has no money for a vacation, therefore, he needs to set aside a small financially feasible amount of money each month to save up for a future vacation with you. Once you have finished your list of things that must change in order for you to be a couple again, discuss them with him (-in person) and see if he is willing to compromise with you about the things on the list. If he is willing to compromise with you then I think it would be worth given him a second chance. If he is not willing to compromise with you then I think at this point you would have definitely made the right decision by ending the relationship because you would have given him a second chance based upon him compromising and he would have refused to.
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