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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1768
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I am in my late 30s and have been dating this absolutely gorgous

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I am in my late 30's and have been dating this absolutely gorgous woman for about a year now. She admittely calls herself "high maintenance", which I tend to agree with. My friends tell me that I have spoiled this woman with expensive trips, helping out with monthly finances, and doing chores around her house to they point - they believe - that she doesn't appreciate it anymore. Lately, I am tending to agree. She will occassionally give to me, but more often than not, it is me that gives to her. What I ask her for return is occassionally her time and for sometimes for her to go out of her way to show that she cares for me (example like showing up at my house unexpectedly, etc), which she rarely does. I have tried talking to her about it but it usually doesn't go well. My question is: Is it too late to try and make changes since I have "spoiled" her? Should I pull back and try and return things to "normal" to she if she tries to reciprocate? Any suggestions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.

Hi, basically she found a winner in you. She admits she is high maintenance and you enabled her to continue this behavior. You set the standard and she is taking whatever you give. If you were to pull back you would see the relationship change and she would possibly end it. If you are willing to take the risk (you will get tired of always giving) of the relationship ending you could pull back but normal to her is being spoiled, so know your normal is not hers. Tough type of person to be in a relationship with.

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I guess what I hear you saying is that I either "take a chance" or end the relationship? Right?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi, I know I can't tell you what to do, that's your decision. However if you can put yourself outside your situation and saw a friend of your in this relationship what would you tell him? High maintenance is one thing, there should be give and take in normal relationships. It's okay to spoil as long as you are being spoiled back and you are not.
So yes, it's your choice but think long and hard before you subject yourself to a lifetime of giving.
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