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Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question
Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Psychologist, Hypnotherapist & Divorce Coach providing marital therapy for over 20 years.
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my ex and i just got back together for the 5th time. he called

Customer Question

my ex and i just got back together for the 5th time. he called me back and i always take him back. our problems started a little over 2yrs. ago. We were at a club and he saw me staring at other guys. also says i stood too close to men at a movie theater. it just snowballed from there. everything changed. i've made mistakes but have paid for them as he then became mean, emotionally abusive towards me. he treated me like a princess for the first 8 mos. and i fell in love with him. i can't understand why he wants me back. he says he cares alot for me but never said he loved me. at this point i just don't know. we argue and he wants to know who i was with when we are apart and what went on even sexually. i really want this to work out. what can i do i think he has paranoid personality disorder. when i tell him how much i care he says "no, you don't" how can one resond to that? help
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. The key is whether you learn from them and change behaviors. It sounds as if you have done this. However, this is never an excuse for your partner to be emotionally abusive or mean to you. A first step is to let him know how you feel about him, along with a frank talk with him explaining that this treatment is no longer acceptable and outlining what you need from him. You may find the following website helpful to clarify about abuse: http://www.ndvh.org/get-educated/?gclid=CL-cjOXYr6MCFQpknAodkXxg6g

 

While you can't change his behavior, you can begin to be clear with him that you will no longer accept these behaviors. You can set boundaries where you can in not listening and walking away when he becomes mean, critical or abusive. It can be a difficult balance to judge whether it is better to stay in an unhealthy relationship or to end it. This is a decision only you can make. In the meantime, you may want to try couples therapy to help him understand how serious your concerns are and work on a resolution. If he refuses, then you may want to consider individual therapy as well in order to get some support for yourself, build up your self esteem, help you to set boundaries, and take good care of yourself. In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

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