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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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my wife is hiding a relationship with her boss from me - they

Customer Question

my wife is hiding a relationship with her boss from me - they work close together and even though our relationship is very good she hides any phone calls and text messages from him to her phone. I have caught her sending him text messages that say "we are drinking and new panties" and also just found an email that said she loved him..... she doesnt sneek out when I am home but I think they see each other when I am out of town but cant find out how/where/when. We just celebrated our 15 anniversary and just went on a trip together and had lots of fun and acted so in love. I am so puzzled here. She is also best friends with his wife. What do I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

Good Evening,


If you are in fact looking at these inappropriate emails and she is trying to be sneaking around you, then you really ought to confront this situation. She could be celebrating her anniversary with you and it is not impossible that she's having an affair on the side or at least an emotional attachment to him.


You can either try to get more proof such as by a PI or you really have enough (one email of that nature or text) should be enough to ask her the question you want to know- is something else going on. Of course, she can deny (then you can not trust her blindly because the same behavior on her part most likely will continue)


Regardless of the reason for her behavior, you find it offensive and suspicious, you want to know why and you want it to halt. It is not respectful on her part towards you or professional to carry on like that with her boss.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I have confronted her and she insists nothing sexual is going on or that she loves him, but just as a friends. They both like to do "friendly insults" and she loves his sense of humor. She gets what she wants at work, takes off whenever she wants and pretty much has her own say so at her job. She is good friends with his wife. They both work alone in a small office couple days a week and I notice in call logs they talk on the phone after business hours especially when I am out of town. He also does stuff with my older teenager who likes him a lot also and they do lawn work together. He and I used to play golf together but he doesnt call me much anymore. Am I just jealous that he is such good friends with her and my teenager more than me? My wife and I pray together now and she teaches sunday school. So I am so confused and maybe it is just strong freindship they have and I'm just jealous.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.

It is possible that you're jealous. It may also be a sense of invasion of your emotional/personal space that you share with your wife and your teen. If their relationship/interaction is fully platonic, then you've got to figure out which aspect of it is most bothersome to you. It is possible for a male and female to just be friends (and there is always limits of course. If you feel that the friendship is inappropriate in any way or consumes too much of her own time, then you can ask her to limit her interaction. The fact that he is not calling/communicating as much with you is also a bit odd but not every person is friends with their spouse's friends)


If it relates to trust issues (if you suspect even 1% that your wife is doing or feeling something other than keeping a platonic friendship, that too will be a factor in how you feel/react to this)


It is possible that you're wondering what is it that he provides that you don't and that is never a good feeling.


Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I can understand them being good friends and ok with it especially since our relationship seems to be very strong now. What bothers me and wont let me not stop worrying is the fact she hides some text msgs and she is a little to flirty with him. If she had never sayed "l love you" in an email and never hide her flirty text messages to him I would be ok but that wont let go in my mind. I have not told I know about these text and email but have talked to her about him and that I feel they are a little to close. She doesnt understand why I feel that way and says they are just close family freinds. I am jealous however of how close their friendship is and guess that makes me a little insecure.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.
Those sort of messages are not appropriate. Try to confront her. What do you have to lose?

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