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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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Husband of fourteen years had three affairs. I am very confused

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Husband of fourteen years had three affairs. I am very confused on whether I should divorce him or not. I have two children 10 and 132.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

Based on all you have shared, I suggest waiting to see if his sessions with the psychiatrist help improve his overall behavior especially his marital behavior. Additionally, I think it would be good for him to go with you to a marriage counselor so that the two of you can have regular weekly sessions to try and get to the root of his painful and disrespectful behavior towards you and to see if things will improove. If all of the above fail, then I think you would have done all that you could have to try and save your marriage and that there would be nothing more that you could do because he needs to change his behavior. You clearly have been with him throughout all of this very painful and troubling time in your marriage. Therefore, hopefully, he will choose to do the right thing and to change his behavior and to treat you with the dignity, love, and respect you deserve.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I need to tell you that he risked my life by having sex with three women whom he sought out on the internet, without a condom, and then coming home and having unprotected sex with me. Today my gyno suggested that he also risked the lives of my children, as we share drinks and toothbrushes occasionally.

In addition, ten years ago when I discovered that I have Spino-cerebellar Ataxia, and I had a fit after a roller coaster ride- he told me to get up from the table where I had to lay my spinning fead, and stop embarrassing him.

He's never physically abused me.
Well in light of this additional information, then it sounds as if you have been more than patient and I also agree that he did risk your life as well as your children's lives with his selfish behavior. Therefore, if you do not want to give him any more chances (-especially since you have given him plenty) and no longer want him to be your husband based upon his actions, then I completely understand why you would want a divorce. Only you can decide if you should get one. Honestly, if I was in your situation, I think (-best I can do since I'm not actually in your situation) I would have gotten a divorce after the 2nd affair. I don't tolerate cheating well at all so if I gave him a second chance (- assuming he went to counseling after the first affair is the only way he would get a second chance) and he did it again, he's out the door because I deserve the best and so do you.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I didn't learn of any affairs until after the third so I have not given him a second chance , unless you count the medical episode as a second chance. And I appreciate your help very much.
I completely understand, and also please don't take what I think I would do if I was in your situation for what you should do because only you can decide if you should get a divorce. Also, consider whether or not you still love him and if you are in love with him as you make your final decision. If you decide not to get a divorce at the moment, please be sure to have him do what you want him to do (-such as the previous suggestions I made in my first answer if that's what you want him to do) as a condition of not getting a divorce. At this point, he really needs to prove himself to you if he wants to remain married by earning your trust and respect and treating you with the love you deserve.
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