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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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I have been in a relationship now for over two years and we

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I have been in a relationship now for over two years and we are living together and engaged to be married although no date is set for. For awhile now my finace has made statements while watching moves such as "mmm I'd tap her", to comments such as she needs me (referrring to like Lindsay Lohan), he has also made statements to me about my niece who is gay that she needs him to set her straight. I have asked him why he makes such statements if he loves me. I divorced a cheating husband who was also abusive in all ways over 10 years ago. I have argued, pleaded, demanded asked but he still continues. My self esteem has taken a nose dive. He says that I am negative and read into everything he says. My fiance is divorced and his ex is mentally handicapped, not to a degree that you would notice, but is more slow etc. I am not sure what to do, I love him I want a life with him, but I can not handle him with his comments on women to me. Help.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry to hear about this frustrating and painful situation you are in. Based on what you have written, I suggest slowing things down with him until he chooses to respect your needs and emotions. Relationships involve 2 people giving and taking for each other's well being and in this case his comments have not only bothered you but have had a negative effect on your self esteem. Additionally, he still will not respect your wishes pertaining to his inappropriate comments. This is why I suggest slowing things down with him until he chooses to treat you with respect and dignity instead of blowing off his inappropriate behavior on you by telling you that you need to see a counselor. Also, I think it would be appropriate for him to also see the counselor with you and hopefully the counselor can help him to be accountable for the inappropriate statements that he makes along with taking a good look at himself. This is why I suggest slowing things down with him (-not getting married etc.) until he chooses to change his hurtful and inappropriate behaviors.
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