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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 3 years. There were

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My ex-wife and I have been divorced for 3 years. There were a lot of problems in our marriage, including infidelity. We have a 9 year old son together and I also raised my 19 year old stepdaughter since she was 4 years old. My ex is currently engaged and living with her fiance, and I'm also living with someone. My ex and I get along better now than when we were married; in fact, we've gotten along great since we haven't been together. However, I've thought about his for a very long time and there's no doubt I'm still in love with her. I wouldn't admit that to her, because I don't want to destroy what she has with her fiance. But I think, if she's not IN love with me, she at least loves me and wonders if we could ever make it work. She's admitted that much to me. Question is, what do I do now?

Good Afternoon,


The two of you already had your time/chance. It takes a while for feelings to cool off.


She is engaged and lives with her partner. What you may want to do is be a gentleman and let her live her life. She may be confused about her feelings for you. Something had taken place in the past that led to the divorce (whether it was you who had the infidelity or her) Why would you want to get into the same possible situation again?


It is all right for you and her to keep in touch and remain friends (you have had a history together and a family) What may be unhealthy is to try and rekindle something back. It is possible for things to appear more appealing now that you're separated (but think back about the time when you were a couple. When there is minimum friction in any relationship things appear wonderful) As time goes by, those dynamics change and people fall back into a pattern they're most comfortable with.

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I don't disagree with anything you've said. In fact, I've gone out of my way not to say or do anything that would infringe on her current life. My confusion about what, if anything I should consider doing, comes from her asking me, more than once, if I'm happy with who I live with. I don't know if that's idle curiosity or if she's fishing. I've answered her, truthfully, when she's asked but I haven't followed up. Should I ask why she wants to know or just leave it alone? And if she were ever to admit that she's not 100% happy with her life, should I still remain quiet? What if I'm throwing away my last chance to rekindle with the only woman I've ever truly loved?

She may be asking 1/ out of curiosity, 2/ trying to stir up jealousy because she's living w/ someone and if you were to say "No you were not happy" she could use it against you, et. It is best to leave it. If she is not happy 100% (and no one ever is always at 100%) you do not want to undertake the chance of trying to make it better for her. What if you fail? She can not expect you to fix her own life. She has to decide what she wants, be clear about it and not try to give you mixed messages. You were burned once already.

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