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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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sex-less marriage

Resolved Question:

I married my husband when he was 40 and I was 33. I was a single mother struggling to get by. He was a emotionally and financially secure man. Loving to my child, attentive to me. I was not very physically attracted to him but his huge heart, tender ways and awesome treatment of me made me want to be with him intimately. Since we got married and had another child, one dog and third child on the way....he has become overwhelmed, stressed out, gained thirty pounds and is tired all the time. He has NO time for me. We never go out on dates. We have sex maybe five time A YEAR.   I am no longer physically attracted to him at all. I find him physcially a turn off. I've asked and begged him to stop eating fast food and to start working out again like he used to. He says he has no time. I am very unsatisfied in my marriage. I love my kids. My husband is kind but he is unattractive, tired, overweight and just NOT someone I want to be physical with anymore. His heart and personality used to turn me on. Now, that's gone so how can I ever want to be with him physically anymore? Do we have any hope to rekindle the intimacy? I feel like I'm just doomed to be stuk in a sex-less marriage of convenience.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,


There is always hope as long as there is desire from both partners to make some changes.


1/ His overeating may be as a result of his depression. Being tired and having low libido and if he's irritable are other signs of depression. You may want to encourage him to speak to a psychiatrist to possibly confirm this and to offer medication.

You've already tried counseling. You may still revisit that option as marital therapy is quite beneficial.


You may also explore the option of getting individual counseling just to sort out your emotions and see what is it that you want out of the marriage. You've fallen in love with his heart initially and now you've fallen out of love. He may really need your emotional support and if he senses that you're not as involved, he would withdraw and may even give up on himself (the marriage)


If you are unsatisfied, let him know (not in a blaming way but rather point out what you miss that the two of you shared, what your hopes, needs and wants are)


The two of you would have to communicate in order to work on the issues that are bothering the two of you (his mood/behavior, your expectations, etc)


The Couple's Survival Workbook: What You Can Do to Reconnect with Your Partner and Make Your Marriage Work (Paperback)


Couple's Communication Made Easy (Audio CD )

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