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Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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I have a friend/coworker, and I am her boss. She and I hit

Customer Question

I have a friend/coworker, and I am her boss. She and I hit it off at first, and had a lot in common. We have become friends over the last month and a half and she even invited me and my family to her wedding. She is post gastric bypass, having lost a ton of weight and I am post lap band having lost half my wieght. That seeemed to attract us together. Last week she was talking about her daughter being sick and was worried about her pulse rate(we are nurses) and I told her that I wouldn't jump to conclusions and that she should probably take her to the urgent care for a check up. After that statement she was very standoffish to me for an hour or so, when I finally confronted her about it, she denied being upset with me about anything, and made up some story about her neice hitting on her new husband. I have felt a little weird around her since. Not sure is we are meant to be friends, but unsure how to handle the situation at work.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi and thanks for writing JA


First off I wanted to say congratulations to you. I think lap band and gastric by pass are rough surgeries on many levels and its just so great that you took that step. I know you know this material better than I do, but congratulations you have my admiration.


I read your post and you know there is no real good reason for her to be standoffish with you after your comment to her but the boundaries when we are supervising others are so muddy sometimes. And yes, I know you spoke to her both out of concern and expertise but she may have heard it from you her supervisor and not you her friend and that may have triggered her distance.


I have worked as a supervisor for most of my career and like you adopted the Laissez Faire style of supervision because I have always considered my supervises as colleagues and equals even though I was the boss. This was a struggle often as on many occasions I supervised MDs who felt as if perhaps another MD should supervise them? LOL

In any event you did nothing wrong, given your post, but your employee heard it as she did and now there is some distance.

I think you did the right thing by inviting her to lunch and trying to talk this out and if she has still not responded, well you have done all you could on this.

Keep being the boss and continue being as caring and accommodating as you have been but do protect yourself. I know, I know but the response is moot when the problem exists with her and not with you.

You take good care of you.

This is not about you and its out of your control. Lose no sleep, worry not, just carry on as you have.

You sound like a wonderful boss and that, as I know the nursing profession, is no easy feat.

Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX course if we can help you more on this from here just let me know


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