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Hi jacustomer and thanks for writing JA
are you there?
How are you doing tonight?
pretty good. Just trying to put everythign together
I see. I have read your post and its painful
I am sorry to hear about what you have been through and will do my best to help you sort this out
but one thing I have to say
yeah, its just so strange and hard to understand
and that is that your intuition is very much on target
Its strange and hard to understand because you are the one who fell in love and you cannot be objective
several times you say
she is unstable
how is that
several times you note that she is not stable and you sense some problems
I dont want to make excuses for me or her. It was hard because things were going so well. I dont know how long she felt that way
it just hit me completely by surprised.
she played along the whole time
I do not think she played you in the sense that she wished to hurt you. I think she really did believe that she found a great guy who was amazing
and I am sure you are amazing :
it is like she is able to turn off emaotions and feelings within seconds. I know it was hard on her to tell me how she felt but its just cld
superficial is the word that comes to mind to me? does that help you
How old is she and how old are you?
yeah. that works.
I am 26 she is 25
she knows she found someone unlike anyone else in me like she told me many times but she just couldn't accept it.
she thought it was wasted on her
She knows what to say to make you feel intoxicated with her
yeah i guess
You see we all love hearing how amazing and wonderful we are
all of us
when people tell us this whom we wish to have approval it is very seductive no
So when she told you these things you felt pretty darn good
maybe even a little high
yeah its great
especially when it comes from a beautiful woman who works as a model
what do you think happened here? do you think she is perhaps not so evolved and she met you and fell in love or became infatuated?
and then she fell out of love because she did not understand that love is something very different than infatuation?
yeah I think she fell for me and got scared tried to keep her guard up but havent felt that way before
so she ran
to her comfort zone
I do not agree with you so tell me how to work on this with you, should I tell you what I think happened or just type words to help comfort you. I can do either? Let me know what you need to feel better and I will do that.
what happened and how do I get over it. I need to work on me. I would love to have her back some day but I have to worry about me now.
what am I supposed to do. is it ovr for good
yes it is
its over for good and she did you such a favor you have no idea
Here is why
I am sure she did fall for you and in her mind she did love you. of that I am so sure
I am also sure that she probably is not equipped to go the distance of a long term relationship. From the behaviors you describe she might have some self esteem issues and I know that is hard to believe
but she does not sound evolved or some would say mature
now there is another very important point I want you to try to hear
no she does. I believe it
and that is that you are heart broken not because she is gone
when all of us end relationships it is not the person we miss so much
as it is the way that we felt when we were with them
all of us not just you, all of us
we have very creative imaginations and when we are in a relationship with someone we build up this picture in our mind
part imagination and part infatuation and in a way we get a little bit high
i miss having someone be there for me and care about me so i agree. the hard part is that I really do miss as much of her as a person too.
I am sure she is a nice lady I am also sure she is not ready to love you or anyone right now.
I do not think its wrong for you to miss her at all. I think it would be somewhat abnormal if you did not
I completley agree with that. she cant really even love herself
but I also know that having someone to care for you is the issue right now
You are one smart guy
You just made my day
the biggest problem i have is that I want to help her. I want her to be happy. I take lexapro for minor OCD. I am obsessive about things. When I fall for someone I am all in. and it never works out.
You have to got to set the bar higher and not worry so much about your ocd. This is not about your ocd its about choosing women who cannot commit
what makes you choose women who cant commit?
i understand that. But how do I know.
we were only together for 3 months
I feel stupid and should be oer it or be feeling better but I cant shake it
you are nursing a fantasy that you can fix her. I have two advanced degrees and thirty years experience and I know I cannot fix her,
You have no reason to feel stupid
my goodness, you showed up at the airport with a bouquet
most women would kill for that kind of attention and care
You are very special you just do not know this yet and you are so worried about her that you have lost sight of you
so how do i put the pieces together
in time it will fall together of its own accord but its best you do not continue to attempt to contact her because she will not respond and you will interpret that as rejection and somehow turn that into something you did wrong and you did nothing wrong.
I think if you can just remind yourself that you miss the high you felt when you were with her that will help a lot.
It will help you to understand that its not about her its about being in an intimate relationship that gives you pleasure and joy
I havent been contacting her. The hardest thing for me to except is that she can just carry on. Then again I don know how she is feeling since I havent contacted her. I want her to contact me.
THAT MAKES SENSE
sorry for the caps!
She is not feeling the pain you are
I know this
well since she ended it i agree
She is running and unlike you I do believe she met someone else. Call me cynical, call me unromantic, call me having done this for three decades. I think she is the kind of woman who needs attention and I think she found it elsewhere
i just feel kind of used
Think of yourself as experienced
alright well i will take your word for it
you know you were in it for real
and you were honest and lvoing
and that is ultimately what counts
You were real and honest
those are among the hardest things any of us ever have to do and you have already done this
thanks for the help.
Give yourself some time to heal and then get back out there
take good care of yourself
Good night, Cathy
I disagree about her seeing someone else since I was the first she was with since she broke up with her boyfriend and I guess it really doesnt matter at this poinjt
take good care. You know her better than I do. I am just speaking from expert experience and make no mistake, I do not mind being proven wrong on some stuff :)