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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 681
Experience:  n/a
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my husband left me 11 months ago we have been married for 20

Customer Question

my husband left me 11 months ago we have been married for 20 years . he left me for his mistress. before this he left me for another mistress for 2 months i filed for divorce i thought that we had reconciled. i then put the divorce on hold then less than a year he left me for this recent mistress i do not know how long he was seening this last mistress this last mistress lives in another country (usa) i live in the (cayman islands). the divorce is now in progress hopefully will be over before christmas of 2010. my ex husband to be keep coming back for sex. since the 11 months hes been away its only 1 we did not have sex. please help me he told me his is in love with her but he loves me in a special way. i know i must move on but he keep coiming back into my life and will not leave me alone. i am not in a relationship with anyone as yet. i know i need to be strong and really kick him to the curb. he has a key for the home that we have together and he comes and i do not even know he is in the house until he opens my room door and appears. i cant not change the locks on the doors because he is not a threath to me and the divorce laws in my country is i cant change the locks until the divorce is final. i know i should not have sex with him.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
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Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this difficult time you are having. Your husband is being very selfish by having his cake and eating it too and you deserve far better than this. Please don't believe his lies about having a special relationship with him because he is clearly taking advantage of your feelings for him in order to satisfy his own sexual greed and lust. Since you cannot change the locks on your house door, consider adding a lock to your bedroom door, such as a chain lock so that he cannot just come into your bedroom. Also, I suggest sitting down with him and talking to him the next time that he comes by and tell him in your own words that you will no longer have sex with him because this is not a healthy relationship for you especially since he has left you several times for other woman and is currently involved with another woman.

The below things will also help you to heal and to be able to resist having sex with your husband; healing a broken heart takes time and you are certainly worth the time it takes.

1. Get a positive support system in place for yourself which includes loved ones and friends you can trust and share this extremely painful experience with and who will also help you through it.

2. You are dealing with various normal emotions due to being separated from someone you were once so close to, therefore, if possible, I recommend going to see a therapist, counselor, etc., in person on a weekly basis to help you deal with this (-especially any guilt, hurt, confusion, frustration, anger, etc. that you may naturally feel). If you are religious, your place of worship may have free counseling available (-many churches have free counseling).

3. Write down how you feel in a journal. Then close out each writing session by meditating: close your eyes, breathe in deeply and exhale. At the same time think of something peaceful. For example: a bright blue ocean with deep rich blue waves gently whispering against the beach. Meditating will help you through this difficult time and it will also help you to heal. It will take some time, but you will get through this very painful and difficult time if you do the above steps.

4. A book I recommended to my clients dealing with the same situation, which they found helpful, can be found by clicking here:
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but slowly and surely you will be able to overcome this.