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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I am currently in the process of a divorce from a 6 year marriage.

Resolved Question:

I am currently in the process of a divorce from a 6 year marriage. My husband is an addict. I tryed to make it work but couldn't take it anymore. We have been physically seperated for 6 months. But we have been emotionally seperated for at least a year. He had a friend that was a round for the last 2 years. He watched me try and as hard as I tryed my husband basiclly tryed to destroy it. The friend about a year ago texted me and let me know that he was interested. We have talked off and on for the last year about our feelings for each other, but everytime we talk about it to much he alwasys goes back to hes been hurt and doesn't want to be hurt again and he used to be friends with my husband and we should just be friends. Well the last time he brought it up we ended up hooking up. I though he had delt with the issues and was ready. Well now he's back to we should just be friends. What should I do? I am really crazy about him. I helped him get a trailer, his electricm, tv, and cell phone are all in my name. Don't know if I can just be friends with him. I have real feelings for him
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 7 years ago.

Thanks for bringing your question to Just Answer.


I fear you won't be happy with my reply, as I think that this man has been using you. He knows that you are lonely and unhappy from watching your marriage. He also probably figured out that you are pretty good at taking care of other people, after being married to an addict.


You have moved too fast in getting entangled in this man's life by putting his bills in your name, etc. Now he's pulling back, and when he finds someone else, you're at risk of being left with his bills.


Please protect yourself by taking your name off his bills. You may have real feelings for him, but he's making it clear by his actions that he doesn't feel the same for you--but how convenient that he decides to be just friends again after you have taken care of his life and his bills for him. He cannot be much of a man to take advantage of you like this --especially knowing what a hard time you've been through.


Your actions (marryng an addict, caretaking this man) are suggestive of a co-dependent personality. A co-dependent puts everyone else's needs before her own. There's a classic book on the subject that you should read: Co-dependent No More


I would also recommend therapy so you don't keep picking the wrong men. There's also a support group for co-dependents.


I hope this gives you a new perspective on this situation. Please click Accept if it has.



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