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Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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my mother is very proctective of me. And before my relationship

Customer Question

my mother is very proctective of me. And before my relationship with my boyfriend, we were very close. We talked on a daily basis and visited every weekend. Now my boyfriend is annoyed and thinks that my mom and I are too close and that she is trying to come between him and I. She doesnt like him because she feels exactly the same about him. It's very hard for me to go through and we fight about it all the time. I do admit that I dont have the want or need to talk to her as much, but I still want a close relationship with her. I'm so sick of fighting with both of them about this and it's ruining both of the relationships. Help!!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
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Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
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Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello,

This is an error on the website's part, I did not initiate chat with you. I don't chat with any customer because I do not like that format. Unfortunately, the system seems to initiate chat if we are both online at the same time and I simply look at your question. I will opt out so that another expert may help you.

Edited by Angela (M. A. in Community Psy.) on 8/6/2010 at 3:10 PM EST
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Ok I didnt get an answer though and it is $9
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I have opted out so another expert could help you since I did not initiate answering this question. I have also reported this problem to a moderator. Any expert who wants to help you can still reply.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you I hope I can get an answer for paying :(
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
I am sorry the website is not working properly. On your end, could you try to relist the question since I have released it on my end already?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
How do I do that without paying again
Expert:  Jennifer replied 7 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

You mentioned that you don't have the want or need to spend this much time with your mother...

Their feelings aside, how much time do you want to spend with each of them? What do you think would meet YOUR needs? Once you've decided that you can certainly take their feelings into account, but ultimately you're the one who needs to establish some boundaries with both of them.

I'm glad you've discussed this with both of them as that may make it easier to return to the discussion. With your mom, I'd suggest you frame the entire thing positively -- You love her and want a close relationship with her. You want to spend time with her, but you also need to balance your time with other things in your life and you hope she respects that. The same discussion is needed with your boyfriend -- You understand his opinion on the time you spend with your family and you hope he understands that you're working on trying to find a balance between family time and personal life. It may take some time to find a solution that works and you need his support.

If either of them react negatively, stick with how this situation is making you feel. Avoid pointing fingers about any of the pressure you're receiving, but explain that being pulled in both directions is taking up time you'd rather spend enjoying one another and you don't want it strain your relationships with either of them.
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
Jennifer and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you