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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
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Many people around me have boyfriends and girlfriends. Because

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Many people around me have boyfriends and girlfriends.
Because of that, I want a girlfriend too. A girlfriend would be nice, but I just haven't gone looking.
Im not sure if I need a girlfriend, but I dont want to have a girlfriend just for the sake of wanting one. Also, I feel that I'm not too confident in myself and I'm very self conscious.
Basically, is there a way I can determine when will I be ready to have/need a girlfriend?
Hello and thanks for using!

May I ask your age? I ask because I'm trying to get a sense of the circle of friends you're speaking of and what suggestions might be appropriate for you... Thanks!
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
You're on the right track by working on your communication skills and confidence if those are issues you think might be hindering you. When you're speaking with others, practice active listening (eye contact and body language that shows you're attending to what's being said, occasionally summarize what's been said to demonstrate your understanding and ask clarifying questions) and make sure you're not distracted by other things to show you're truly paying attention (avoid looking at your watch or other people, of course).

Is there anyone in particular you're interested in? Make sure you're not wanting a girlfriend just for the sake of "fitting" with the peers you spoke of who each have one... Could that be the case? What's right for them at this stage isn't necessarily right for you. You'll know if you want a girlfriend based on how happy you are on your own. Do you find that you're lonely more often than not or wish you had someone special to share things with? The more obvious sign would be if there is someone in particular you find yourself thinking about and want to spend more time with. Of course, you'd have to start by asking this person on a date to see whether the two of you connect in a way that would make you both want to see each other again.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Yes, I do sometimes find that I'm lonely more often than not and wish I had someone special to share things with. I just don't know who to be with though.

There are a lot of girls that I find are interesting, but they never seem to be "perfect" so I'm not sure if those are the people I would ask out.

Every girl is going to have flaws of some sort. The important thing is finding a girl who is perfect for you. Get to know them and see if the positive qualities outweigh whatever things make you think they're not perfect. Start small -- getting coffee together, for example. That way there's minimal pressure on either of you and you can determine whether this is someone you'd like to spend more time with.

Or, if you'd more interested in seeing if there is someone else out there for you, you could certainly put yourself in situations where you'll meet new people. A community class, volunteer work, recreational club / group, etc. are all things you could look into that might help to broaden your horizons and allow you to meet others at the same time. The benefit of those types of situations is that you already have something to connect about in conversation given your shared experience.
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