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Angela, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  n/a
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Ive been seeing this guy for about 5 months but have known

Resolved Question:

I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months but have known him for over 2 years. Things have been great. Last weekend, he made a comment about me "out with a new one?" that I took the wrong way and "freaked out". (I'm divorced and the comment undknown to him resonated due to my past experience. My ex-husband was very distant and didn't care what I did, which hurt a great deal. I wanted him to want me. He didn't). unfortunately my reaction caused my new guy to pull away as it reminded him of his ex-wife. As he stated, "she was crazy." Unfortunately, I got mad and then he wouldn't talk which in turn he wouldn't talk to me, take my calls as he thought I was over-reacting. He said he was only kidding. We've talked about it at a superficial level but I get a sense he's scared. He stated "I shook you, then you shook me."

Now things are a mess. I know I messed up and his totally pulled away. I know him and we are virtually done if he decides that i'm not worth the effort. What to do? I don't want to drive him further but wish this small miscommunication never happened.

We also have a long distance relationship, so communication has always been key.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela replied 7 years ago.
Hello my name is Angela.
I am more than happy to assist you with your questions by giving you my honest and respectful opinion.

I am sorry for this painful time you are having. Relationships take two people to work and both people have to be patient and forgiving of the other as needed. With this in mind, I suggest asking him to meet with you in person because you want to tell him something. If he agrees, arrange something nice for both of you such as a picnic at the park. During this time, tell him that you want to be accountable for how you have overreacted before. Tell him that you understand why he pulled away from you and that you are sorry and that you will need him to help you in this area if it happens again because you are only human and you love him. Ask him to agree to help by talking to you about this instead of pulling away if this should happen again. Also, tell him that you realize you both have some emotional baggage from your previous relationships and that you want to agree that you will each will help each other deal with it when it surfaces by discussing it instead of pulling away from one another. Also, here is an article that you can both read for informational purposes and discuss about emotional baggage. Hopefully, reading and discussing the article will also help you both move beyond this incident in a healthy manner, click here:.
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